This is a personal drabble and probably, an overview of how I've been feeling the past few days and how I feel on the stories on this site and my personal writing.

I have always been someone who lacked in determination and perseverence. I'm still in my early teens, and I remember ever since I was 8, I had already started to write my own stories and my own ideas in small notebooks. Due to my lack of determination, the hundreds of stories that I've started, were never completed, and my resolution of the year was to start going on asianfanfics.com since I can be on here and write my thoughts on my favourite bands and singers such as BIGBANG (LOVE LOVE LOVE) and just get lost in the imagination and fantasies, which sadly, would probably never come true. At the beginning of April (this month), I decided to start posting stories on here and for the first few days, everything was exciting and fresh but as the days go by, everything went downhill. I suffered from a writer's block and I became bored with the storyline and I guess it's really because I'm always a person looking for "new" things and my personality is just like that; I'm scared of commitment. 

I've started 3 stories, with all of them containing , mainly because it adds more spice into the couple's relationship, makes it more realistic and more mature, so the appears probably around the 8th chapter? and would occur every 3 chapters once I get into the mood. All three stories went downhill, and after the beginning chapters, my mind will be like, "This isn't good". Nothing seemed to satisfy me and I was becoming bored. I was becoming upset and I realized I need to find the error in my system, why the hell can't I just finish writing a goddamn story? 

After a few seconds, I realized, I wanted my own style. I wanted something distinct and different in my writing and I'm always trying to look for that difference. As a reader, I love genres such as fantasy, surrealism, contemporary, coming-of-age and pretty much, those nostalgic books that you can really relate to and makes you think the storyline is just beautiful. I've aimed for this kind of feeling in my writing from the very first story I posted on this site and on one of my stories, someone actually told me that my writing was "beautiful" and that made me super damn happy because that was what I really wanted to hear from my readers. But, I still felt there was something missing in my writing, my 'writing' that was inspired by the authors and books I've read. I wanted something that just belonged to 'me', and I guess this kind of thing comes mainly from experience and so, I decided to indulge myself in new things. I've started watching more movies, mainly in the 90s or any vintage kind of romance movie because they're just so, sentimental? Nostalgic? Dreamy? I've also opened myself up to new kind of books and with the help of Goodreads.com, I have found a few good books that have become an inspiration to me. 

Besides from reading actual published novels, I've read some of the fanfictions on this site and honestly, a lot of them are entertaining and enjoyable and honestly, this period of time has been such an eye-opener for me, because before I was extremely picky in the fanfictions I read before. Mostly because over 50% of the stories on this are fanservice and I'm not saying this in an offensive way, because my stories are probably fanservice as well, but it's really hard to explain, because fanservice is similar to entertainment. But I don't really care on what I thought before, because now I'm giving fanfic author's a chance, because honestly, maybe there's more to their writing. Everyone is unique. Everyone has different ways to express themselves, but sadly and I believe I'm not the only one who cannot express their feelings honestly.

In the future, I hope to write more stories that really features a part of "me". I remember there was a quote in some story I read which stated that in every piece of writing, you can find a piece of the author in them.

kslgnklnglnelrgnkjegrnjkngjklnjklngrjkenrjkengjlkenglkjenlkjenge.