I have a best friend . She likes kpop too. She's sitting right behind me in the classroom. Let's just named her Q okay.

There's another friend of mine, in the same classroom. As for me, I don't think we are best friend because we aren't really close. About once or two times a day, we talk to each other. Usually I'm the one who start the converstion. And it's just because she's sitting right in front of me, I don't really think we're close. You know, I only thought her as a classmate. Let's just name her Z here. So Z is not like a normal girl there. She's the least (I could say) favourite in the class. The classmates don't really realize her existance as she's a quite type of student. She 's really, really shy. If you're a stranger and never talk to her before, you'll failed to start a conversation with her. Unless you know and used to k-pop stuff. Yes, she likes kpop too. She's the ultimate tbh. I like befriend with her actually. She's polite and really humble person. To me, she's someone with multiple talents so somehow, I envy her. No one perfect in the world that's why she has multiple talents but she's lack of confidence and doesn't really good in recruiting friend (unsocialable). 

Apparently, that's not the problem. The main point here that Q and Z are always fangirling in the public. I feel really,really annoyed . You know how it feels when you also like kpop but they treat you like you aren't. They simply abandoned you. I feel neglected. Everytime they talk about kpop I feel like screaming right on their face and tell them to shut up. But I don't do it because another side of me said "God is always there. Only Him can judge them so let them be."

They might think I'm jealous because two of them are getting closer but actually I'M NOT. I just would like to join the conversation and know what they're talking about. Remeber I told Z is a quite type? She is when she's around the classmates but when she's talking about kpop (mostly with Q) she'll gone crazy . She'll be VERY talkative and talking in a loud voice (which doesn't make sense because she's always lowered her voice when talking to othes). She'll fangirling and done ridiculous action (usually with her hands and her face/expression will be unexpected)

When I start a kpop conversation with Z, she doesn't talk a lot. Unlike with Q. That's make me feel like I want to stab her in the eye. Why she can get along with Q and not me? We talk about the same thing goddammit! Okay, my other best friend (an otaku, not  a kpoper) gave her opinion. She said, "Maybe when Z talked to you, you don't seem giving an excited expression. And you'll only smiling as a reaction". So yes, she's right. I agreed.

But hell, I can't fangirl in the public it's a shame. A girl fangirl in the public. HOW WOULD I SAY IT'S EMBARASSING!!! As a girl we need to maintain our reputation and politeness in front of people WHAT KIND OF GIRLS ARE BOTH OF YOUUU!

This week is the busiest week for the teachers. They have to attend other school and sending the students to compete in coral speaking , marching competition and stuff. I only studied two subject this day. The whole school might be happy with that but no me. Why? Because I'm sitting between both of them so Z will walk pass me and heading to Q and they'll talk about kpop without me. (I usually cover my ears so I won't hear them)

I don't talk to Q at all today. Usually she'll be worried and message me asking if everything's okay. That's make me feel warm on how concern is someone towards you . BUT NOT TODAY. SHE'S NOT LEAVING ANY MESSAGE. THAT'S MAKE ME FEELS LIKE SHE DOESNT CARE. WELL OKAY S, IF YOU DONT CARE BECAUSE I DON'T CARE EITHER . IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BEFRIEND WITH ME THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO CAN STILL BE MY FRIEND. LET'S JUST END UP HERE IF THAT WHAT YOU WISH FOR. I'VE BEEN SICKED OF YOU AND YOUR FKING KPOP FRIENDS LATELY. YOU JUST MAKE ME HATE KPOP BECAUSE OF YOUR ATTITUDE. 

I just wish they'll chat with me along with me . Nothing more, nothing less. We wont be in such situation if one of you call out my name and have some chats about kpop. Apparently, Q will read this if she notice because she's a friend in aff too (which I found good if you read and please realize your mistakes)

Dear my thoughtful aff's friends, what do you think?