So hi :) I'm Octy08 but you can call me by my real name, Dian. I'm turning 15 this year and I'm from Singapore. Just to share with you a little about myself, I love coffee and cheesecake. Apart from that, my ultimate group is Teen Top and I'm basically in love with an octopus by the name of Ahn Daniel but at the same time, I'm crushing on Sungha Jung and apparently, Lee Gikwang is my ideal type. My dance idol is BoA, my singing idol is AiLee and my idol is HyunA. Enough of my rambling, let's move on to reviewing, shall we?

See, when it comes to reviewing, I'm pretty harsh but of course, I'm reasonable ((lol i won't just bash your story because that's unprofessional. and rude haha)) :) Also, I'll provide you with ways you could improve your story and give you constructive advises. I'll also point out the parts where I think could use some improvement and no, I won't rush through your review so I'll make sure to elaborate on my points :) Of course, I'll also point out the good parts in your story so don't worry, you'll receive compliments as well :)

I'm open to all genres and pairings so you don't have to worry about that ;) 

Here's my latest review from my previous shop :) You can get an idea of the way I review and stuff :

First Impressions:

Okay, let me be honest here. The first thing that caught my attention wasn't the title but the tags. No, I wasn't referring to the 'Hoya', 'Sunggyu' or 'Myungsoo' tags though they are my top 3 biases from Infinite xD I was referring to the 'angst' and 'comedy' tags. For as long as I have been on AFF, I have always wondered how authors could write angst-comedy stories. These two genres are the complete opposite of each other and definitely can't be put together. So when I saw these two tags on your story, I became quite skeptical of your story. But hey, this is only a first impression ;)

Title:

'Unexpectedly'. Firstly, let me just say that this title is a common one. I've tried finding stories with the same title as your story and unfortunately, I've found many. Also, this title doesn't seem to have any feel to it that suits your storyline and honestly, readers like me would be more intrigued by the tags rather than the title. In a reader's point of view, I would expect a sad story from such a title because all I got from it was numbness.

I have come up with a title to replace this one:

'Totally Cliche...Or Not' It fits your storyline more since your story is based on a love story that is totally cliche. (See what I did there?). Also, even though your story had a cliche love plot, I'm pretty sure there'd be plot twists here and there thus '...Or Not'. That particular title basically sums up your story in a way and it matches the mood of your story. And honestly, in a reader's point of view, I would rather read a story titled 'Totally Cliche...Or Not' rather than 'Unexpectedly'. As much as 'Unexpectedly' seems to be a title to leave readers intrigued, since that title is a common one, readers tend to overlook it and keep scrolling.

I'm not asking you to change your title but do consider it :) oh and here are some guidelines you might want to use these to help you with thinking of a title for your future stories. :)

1. What would make my title stand out from the rest?

2. Does my title link to its story?

3. If I were a reader, would I be attracted to the title or would I just keep scrolling?

Description & Forward:

I think the way you phrased your description could be imporved. There wasn't much feel to it. In a reader's point of view, I would want to feel suspense when reading descriptions. Something that would leave me wanting to know more about your story. Even though you did try to add suspense to the description, it was still lacking feel. 

This is how you wrote it:

Just another cliche love story between commoners and celebrities, as two girls get tangled in an idol group's interest and things get really messy. However... is everything as it seems? What happens when the girls are not commoners as they claimed to be? Will Infinite’s life ever be the same again? 

This is a better way to write it:

As two girls involuntarily caught an idol group's interest, things got really messy the moment love began to take its toll. However, when secrets are unveiled, will Infinite's life ever be the same?

There, short and simple. It's not revealing too much and it gives off more suspense :) i'm not asking you to use my example as your foreword but do consider it because your description really needs to be changed :) 

Now, moving on to the 'Preview', I honestly think it isn't necessary since you have already made a prologue in the next chapter. Maybe you could replace your preview with the character list where all the main//minor characters are displayed. Or, you could make a character list in the chapter before the prologue; it's up to you, really. :)

As for your foreword, well, I wouldn't actually call it a foreword. Forewords are meant to serve as a way to help readers decide on whether to read on or to just click 'back'. In your foreword, you had written quite a long Author's Note and I believe there are better ways to write forewords. I've come up with one way though :)

Here's what I came up with:

'Just Another Cliche Love Story...'

But.

'They're not who they claimed to be...'

Of course, I'm not saying that you can't have an author's note in the foreword. But I think it'd be better without it. It all depends on the type of readers you wish to attract. There are three kinds of readers.

1. Readers who go for bias-based stories

- I don't think I have to explain this xD

2. Readers who are looking for an easy read

- These readers are usually newbies in AFF who are still exploring the site. Sometimes, these readers don't know which story to read so they stick to easy reads. Sometimes, these readers are just finding easy reads to entertain them for a while. These readers are the ones which would be able to overlook your long author's note in the forward.To them, as long as they like your story plot, they'll read it :)

3. Readers who have high standards 

- These are the hardest to impress but they're also the best crowd. It'd be a great achievement to get these readers to read your story. These readers will definitely not overlook the foreword. They want to be impressed by the title, foreword and description. It's all about your presentation because when it comes to these readers, their first impressions matter. A Lot. 

Which readers do you want to attract? :) 

For me, I fall under no.3 but once in a while, I'm a no. 2. Sure, I definitely have high standards and I get really picky when it comes to reading stories because I'm a HUGE Grammar Nazi and all. But at times, I go easy on authors and give new stories a chance. 

Originality, Plot & Flow:

Well, your story isn't actually an original one since it revolves around the idea of a Cliche Love Story. But, just because your  storyline is a cliche one, it doesn't mean your plot has to be. :) You could make this story of yours 'original' in a way by adding twists here and there or include unpredictable scenes. So far, your story seems like a predictable one. With every chapter I read, I was able to guess what was going to happen in the next chapter. Of course, there were 'original' parts here and there but try to make the story yours :) Now in a reader's point of view, I don't usually go for cliche stories BUT should I find the plot unique in a way, I will definitely read the story :) Also, I want to bring up the tags once more. So far, I have not been able to link your story with angst. 

Angst are stories with lots and lots of sadness involved. Angst stories make readers cry and feel all depressed thus I don't think the tag 'angst' fit the story at all because your story is nothing but joy and it definitelly does not make me cry or feel depressed in any way xD In fact, it made me laugh. A lot.

Which brings me to the next tag which is 'Comedy'. Okay, let me just say that each chapter of yours made me roll like a buffalo, laughing. ((No, I'm not kidding, I was really rolling like a buffalo)) Basically, I couldn't stop laughing so kudos to you for that! This is probably the umpteenth time I'm mentioning this but I'm a er for comedy so  thumbs up for you! But, you shouldn't include humour in every paragraph. Just like the phrase, 'Less is More', Less Comedy leads to more enjoyment. Even though I'm a huge er for comedy, when there is too much, I tend to get bored in a way because honestly, I don't want to be laughing throughout the whole chapter. Sometimes, too much humour can also make you go out of your storyline and things might just get draggy after that. Put in humour when readers least expect it and they'd be laughing their hearts out. Then in the next moment, make the atmosphere serious again. Play with readers' emotions; don't just stick to laughter ;)

As for the flow of your story, I find you quite rushy when delivering your chapters. Though you might not notice it, you tend to not elaborate on the scenes. See, when I read stories, I tend to imagine them as movies in my mind. Without proper elaboration, it'll be frustrating for readers like me. Since I myself am a writer, I've rushed through my chapters before and let me tell you that the result was crappy I suggest you work on your elaboration in your upcoming chapters :) 

Also, for your style of writing, I think it could still be improved but I'll touch on this later. Then there are moments when you'd use past tense at one point and present tense at another.

Language:

Tenses. That's all you need to work on in terms of language. There are times when your usage of tenses are wrong. 

For example: