slump

So basically, I'm in a slump..

well more than a slump, i feel like I'm in a very deep hole on the ground with no way to get out....

Ugh, idek what I'm doing here, writing a blog post (which will end up pointless as all I've ever written before).

Outlet, i guess.

I just finished a whole bunch of things last week, that's why I was on a short hiatus.

Life has to be lived and all that. i'm not even sure if I've done enough to pull through with my papers and all. orz

but anyway, so I opened my draft list and saw the unfinished fics that I have to write (yeah, some of them I am actually REQUIRED to finish) and I felt as if i couldn't write anymore. i tried to get some words out but... none. I couldn't write anything.

Needless to say, I feel stupid and useless and i don't even know, more than usual. It's actually really frustrating.;;

Like I don't feel as if this is writer's block? I guess more of a lack of inspiration plus the usual self-esteem issues plus feeling so small, smaller than a peck of dust in the Gobi dessert (don't ask me about the metaphors I'm using, I don't know where they're coming from either). Feel like I'm deluding myself because who cares?

Yeah, this really is a pointless post, it's just that as I keep on typing these words I kinda feel lighter? Maybe I'm finding comfort in knowing that there might be a possibility that some poor soul will read this and understand what I'm feeling, too. Sometimes, i think it helps knowing that someone out there, spent a few seconds of their precious lifetime to read a potato's melodramatic post (which is again pointless).

Also, Do I still want to write? I'm seriously asking myself this. (lol going off in tangents like nobody's business). 

Do I still want to suffer going through thinking and thinking of the perfect words to create a mediocre story to throw at the unsuspecting public?  What's the point? I always lose sight of the point.

I'm a weak potato. I'm a potato with onion skin tbh.  (This includes any underlying message you can think of)

And...

Substandard. i'll always be substandard. So whatever I do will eventually be substandard.  

 

 

LOL WHAT RIGHT?

 

 

 

 

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Lone1127 #1
I feel you. Cuz that's exactly what I'm going thru rt now. Except well, not with the writing thing, but yeah, I've got self-esteem issues myself and desolation. It's frustrating.
gaemgyu245 #2
as i always say, you're great. i don't know if you would ignore what i say (like you always do anyway). i don't know what you think about yourself, but you're amazing. what kind of crap can make something as beautiful as you story? just try accept yourself kei

ps: i'll kill you if you call my baby (your fic) a crap once more
sparkplugz #3
Don't be too hard on yourself. Really. We all have times like this but try not to let yourself be stuck in it for too long. Plus, you have indefinite deadline to at least one fic. Heck, screw deadline. Lemme lessen your worries by saying that you don't have to write at least one fic. And i think you know which one i'm talking about ;) Hang in there sweetie pie!! //BIG HUGS??
efestione #4
be always happy! if writing is a pain, you won't give the readers a pleasant feeling... you know what I mean? ^^
and anyway... I'm sure every single one of your readers will be here whenever you decide to come back!! be strong, Kei... be happy!! <3 <3

(uh?? guess what?? too many words, once again... ç_ç sigh!!)
efestione #5
Kei... potato... <3
I could say you are an amazing author and that I can't survive without your masterpieces... But I won't! Not because those things are not true, because THEY ARE!! but because maybe that's not what you need... it doesn't matter how many times people do tell you how great and talented you are... it doesn't matter if you don't feel it!!! you have to believe in yourself, in your talent and in your skills, in the great stories you create and in the emotions you make us feel... if you don't, everything will be harder and less spontaneous... i mean...

how can someone make anyone believe in something if they don't believe in it in the first place??

oh, gosh... did I explained my point? >.<
about being in front of a white page, and do not having the feeling of writing... it's normal, totally... it may be a period, none knows how long... it may also be the pressure... I imagine you could feel stressed, after TCY... because it has become one of the most important, most famous and most loved BaekYeol in the whole EXO fandom, and you are globally recognized as one of the most representative BaekYeol author... it's normal, you feel pressured!! (and I swear I'm not here to make you feel worse!!) but what I can say is: I deeply loved the plot of TCY... but I also fell in love with your writing style, with the way you depicted your characters, enlightening them from different angles, with the way you described emotions, to perfectly that I felt them too, with the way you recreated situations like they were happening in front of my eyes... and those things... they are part of you, part of how you write, you won't ever lose them!! so, whatever you write, it will be awesome, it will be great, it will be unforgettable, cause it will be yours...

but if you don't feel like writing right now, don't do it... take a break, just for yourself... and when you'll be ready to write again, you'll feel it and the words will come by themselves... <3
biigbanng #6
I know how you feel! :/ but you're not mediocre, you're my favourite potato ahahah

But seriously, I say just don't write until you feel like it. Because this should not feel like a chore, it's supposed to make you happy. :) Take your time! <3
Karolayn #7
I do write, but I'm way too new to it so I'm not able to give you advice when it comes to that, but as for your feelings...we all tend to lose sight of "the point" often. You see, I want to apply to an undergraduate scholarship program to Korea, and I was so excited only thinking about my goal, but as the deadline approached and preparing the documents wasn't becoming any easier, I started questioning myself if it was worth it. I have to deliver the documents on oct 7th...and now that everything's almost done, I feel proud of myself for pulling through. If you feel like you can't write right now, that's perfectly fine, miss potato, us readers can be demanding at times, but we're not heartless, take your time to live your life and do whatever you need or want to do, and then, if you feel like it, keep writing, we'll be waiting :3 As much as I love your stories, if it's a bother for you to write them, please don't, write for you; because you enjoy it, there's a reason why you started, try to remember! Please receive all my love and support from Venezuela unnie <3
aintyoufunny #8
sweet potato ;_;
/gathers you up in my arms and keeps you there/
i think i totally understand how you feel. this is always a ty feeling for any writer...
but write if you want to. don't write out of obligation, or else that's going to get super tiring and you won't want to write at all. write what you want to write, and do it because you want to! :D

i think it's up to you to decide the point of writing. some do it because it's all they have to express themselves, others do it simply for entertainment purposes.

i think you're a great writer, kei, and it'd be a shame to let your talent go to waste. but if you need a break, some time to figure out why /you/ write, then you should take one :) spend some time relaxing, watching vids of your otp (/weeps), and eat some yummy food (like sweet potato fries muahahaha).

i love you, sweet potato!!<3
kkamsae #9
Cuddles you bbkeiks.. i meant to ignore this and be serious coz youre kind of down and depressed but when u said youre on a very deep hole in the ground im like, 'isnt that ur natural habitat?' Lol sorry keiks just wanna make u smile.. ^^ hmm you know youre like divina. U both worry about these trivial things, tends to overthink stuff and be like too hard on yourselves.. which is funny because you two are already well known and established writers.
But dont get me wrong because i totally understand where u were coming from, just remember that its only fanfiction.. meant to entertain and be weird and fun.

cheer up bbkeiks. Unnie loves you very much and remember that no matter what, we're always here.... ur osms cheering or poking ur potato face ^^
holdbaek #10
don't worry, i myself often get writer's block too and when it happens to me i always stay away from anything about kpop and live my life then... boom! an inspiration usually comes after that. lololol xD
that sounds stupid and non-sense but it happens to me~ ._.
and besides, your writing is wayyty better than me so don't feel small because i'm smaller than you that peole probably need a microscope to see me. ㅎㅎ
Kaikoloves #11
Take it one step at a time babe! We all go through it. Take some time off. As little as 15 minutes. It's been a hard month for me. Work travels, being a mom, wife, work, daughter...it's tiring. And weirdo me, you know what cheered me up? A 10 minute trip to the grocery store and buying some nail polishes that were on sale for $5 and putting it on. Weird. But whatever works. So just go out for a lil bit. And see what happens!
swabluu #12
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa keikei don't be sad >< I think your writing is beautiful so don't feel insignificant ;__; /huggles you tightly
yeolbaeby #13
*LOLOL i made some mistakes at my comment but it's ok i think(?) lolol. Take a break then make sure you come back, kei xD
yeolbaeby #14
I sometimes fall into depression and thinking bad abt my lack of writing skills, too. But you have to think abt one thing : think about all readers who love you and will be sad if you quit writing (bcs i've experienced the feeling of losing 2 of my favev baekyeol authors and that hurts. So much). so don't ever think that your stories are good--they are amazing so that's why people keep coming to you, asking you to write them something. You might be a potato, but you're the only potato who can make me vomitting rainbow and stuffs lol.

If you want a break, then take a break! :*
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