You think you can trust someone, who has been there for you for the past years. I have been her shoulder to cry on and was there for her whenever she needed me. Bad boyfriend after bad boyfriend, I was always the one she could call and I would immediately empty my schedule so she could come and cry over another bad break up. Even when she went through her last breakup, a few weeks ago, I was there, eventhough I had to be at university. She had priority at that time. I trusted her and told her everything. 

She was the one that knew everything about my feelings for him (yes, the guy from my previous blog post).

And I will never trust her again.

A week ago the contact between me and him got less, I was busy with university and couldn't answer right away. And since a  week he started to say less as well, I thought it was because he was busy. Until I saw her texting someone last night and she didn't want to tell me who it was. I thought it was her ex, but turned out she had been texting with him for the past week. I was shocked and felt myself literally freeze. I hadn't seen that coming. She the quickly assured me that it was nothing flirty or so and he was the one that got in contact with her. She rambled on and on while I was still too shocked to say a thing.

"It's nothing flirty, I swear! Eventhough I did sometimes think about something flirty to write, I didn't do it because I thought of you,"

"He started contact a week ago,"

"We talk multiple hours a day, but it was him who started the contact"

I did not know what to say and just blinked at her as she kept rambling her fake excuses. Soon I felt my stomach churn and I felt horrible immediately. I was hurt. Really hurt, yet I said to her that 'It was okay,'  because I wanted to believe her words.

But I don't. If those talks she had with him weren't flirty, then why didn't she tell me? Why would she try to hide it from me and not show me the texts even though she used to show me everything? It's because she knows what she did was wrong. Still she did not stop and if I hadn't caught her red handed she would've never told me.

Now she keeps texting me about how 'he obviously doesn't like her'  and 'it's not flirty at all ahahah'. But I don't believe her. There is no reason to believe her if she lied about it in the first place.

I just can't do this.

What if he is no longer interested in me and now likes her?

I know myself, I'm a socially awkward around people and am not someone who goes around flirting. I like dressing up, but I don't dress to impress. I'm quite confident about my body and face, but compared to her... She has the body every guy wants in a girl: the thin yet above average curvy girl. (Picture Hyosung from secret, that's the body she has exactly) And what do I have? I'm just your average girl next door, with an okay body, that I have to work hard for every day in the gym. I'm not eye-catching, I'm not exceptionally pretty. I'm tall, but that's about it. She's able to wind every guy around her finger and has a lot of ' experience' in boyfriends and I? I'm a girl that can't explain what her own feelings are.

You know what, never mind. I can't take this.

I'm not going to win this game.