Today's Rianne's birthday party yay!! It's been 2 weeks since I've started cutting again. I need to start writing in here more. My parents found out today and there's kinda a hell of a lot of scars. 103 count. Plus the ones on my arms: 16

Anyway, they're talking about bringing me into a mental hospital. My dad finally admitted he hated me. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I want him to, I wish he didn't. It's just that, I've always had this feeling he did. Like he only bought me things because he bought my sister, Julia, things. So Iike, put of sympathy. Not out of love.my mom was calm about it though. They asked me why I did it. Well lets see here: I'm fat, ugly, stupid, I'm not the dream child, selfish, mean. I'm not the daughter who's gonna be a nurse like everyone else in my family. I'm not into sports, or math, or engineering, or anything. I wish they understood that I wanna make it big in the music industry. The music industry isn't just singing. It's instrumental too. I also wanna be a famous designer or something. Of course I can say this, they'd lecture me on why it's a bad idea and such.

Aside from my dad JUST telling me he hates me, let me list what else he said:

“I ING HATE YOU, DID YOU KNOW THAT?” “Yeah. Yeah I did” (I told him that, and what happened between us hasn't changed

“you need to get the out of this house”

“are you crazy? (Not the good, funny crazy) OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

and when I was just about to leave and go upstairs to my room, he yelled at me, really really loud. And I'm not even lying about this:

“THERE'S THE KNIFE GO KILL YOURSELF”

As of now, I don't think I deserve to live. I just wanna lock my door while my parents are gone, put a rope around my neck, stand on a chair, and kick it. Hang myself in my own room. And it's because I don't deserve to be here, in just a waste of air. I don't to live anymore, I just wanna die.

Is that too much to ask?

until my suicide note,

                                 Jazlyn Jimenez (because Isidro is my Dads last name)

(whatever was in my diary is now on here