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(Yes im that lame that i put a matching song to suit the theme LOL)

 

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Do you ever just stop to think about your life once in a while..?

And then realise that everything you thought you were.. is not what you really are.

I've been thinking after i started school in this entire new country for me called the US, and i have had alot of hard times

and still is.. and i've thought and thought and thought until my consciences were telling me to stop..

I realise that i'm not the kind of person i really thought i was..

I don't really know if anyone can really agree or understand me because i feel that nobody actually thinks like the way i do,

and sees the world as i do.. that's why i often feel different.. i don't show it, but that's just how i feel.

on the outside i'm just like everyone else, Human, you know. but on the inside.. i see the world like no other people

and i often think if there are anyone who ever thinks like me.. that i would never know though..

i feel as i'm making a simple life way too complicated. It's like i'm clotting the wool that was perfectly straight..

I am very antisocial so i had a really hard time adjusting to school, i'm always usually like this at every single place,

i never come to the thought that i was this imperfect.. now it feels as the only things i were good at aren't so.. special anymore..

On the first week of school i cried so much because i was scared of this world, and so scared and mad at myself for letting myself be this way..

I didn't want to be such a social wreck, i didn't want to mess up my youth and life like this but this all happened..

There's a reason why i turned antisocial and so lacking, it's because of past people i've met but i can't blame them because

we make us.. we make ourselves..

At that time i was too weak, i didn't know how to stand up for myself and i guess this was the consequence i got..

People tell me that i lack social skills alot, and that i don't do very well in social life..

One thing they tell me is that i don't seem to make full eye contact with the person i talk to, second.. i just.. lack.

I really hate myself for having to go around hear these words.. i want to be like those other girls who have no problem making friends

and can put on a true smile on their faces.. i know everyone has their hardships but i don't think it's as big as mine..

I'm scared that this problem will affect me as an adult and it will ruse me into bad choices and a bad lifestyle..

I really don't want to go back to school tomorrow, for it questions what i really achieved in life and what i... really am..

I hate feeling this way.. mostly because i don't have friends- and that has led to me questinioning my own life and thoughts..

What am i supposed to do..