... This is my first blog post here... but today has been awful, really... okay, not whole of it, but I just feel horrible. So, I have to rant about it, 'cause I just can't keep it inside and I already cried this morning, so yeah... that's not really an option.

I guess it would be nice to say some good news for start - before I move onto the horrible part. I finally managed to reach the university (didn't have to go there, they finally answered to my phone call) - and I found out they'll post up a concurs for master studies in communicology and they will accept applications for that during next week. So, that's good - I really want to do those master studies...

Also, work today was fine, finished everything in three hours and got back home, now I'm waiting for some friends to come over... everything's normal...

But! JYJ are coming to Europe - Spain and Germany in the end of October/beginning of November... and I was so hoping I will be able to go, but today I realized I can't. There's no way really... We are a bit in a critical situation at home at the moment (like umma's still sick - so the treatments and stuff... credits we're paying and all... it's too much really)... plus because of my master studies, I need tuition money too... and yeah, just I can't save anything - and we're lacking money as it is... and I spent a lot of money for all the trips already - it's amazing I managed to do all that in such a situation already - it was tricky with Paris concert too, but then it was like... my birthday present... Unless a miracle happen I won't be coming...

And I just feel terrible... like I've been waiting for six freaking years for them to come somewhere close... and now I can't go. When they're my favorite kpop artists of all time... And just everything kind of... fell down on me this morning - that thing and umma's sickness and everything... and I just couldn't stop crying - the type of crying when you just accept everything and you don't even sob, but the tears are just falling. I felt miserable. And I still kind of do, although I'm a lot more calm and I just... I know I have to accept it and deal with it... maybe just not think about it or pay attention. I guess I'm just a bit tired of doing that, even though it's the only way to keep myself sane. I don't know... it's just hard.

So yeah, there goes my rant... I don't really feel that much better after this.. maybe because I don't really feel comfortable writing it down - and in general, I don't really talk about stuff like this with anyone, I'm just that kind of person - even though I know I should just get it out of my system finally... but yeah... *Sighs* Okay... moving on...