Review for LeeHyeRi-ah 'In love with another face' || Le ♥ Moozles ||

 

In love with another face
 
LeeHyeRi-ah! Hello! It’s me, Mina :3
So I am going to review your story in a ‘professional’ way, not as a fan girl, not as an awesome cool- friend/chinguu but as a reviewer!
Hopefully my love for your story won’t spurt out~ Hahaha <3
 
 
Title (4/5)
 
When I looked at the title I thought it was going to be about Kai getting someone else’s face or something, turned out to be highly unlikely.
Anyway, I haven’t seen a title like this before (Others may have), so you will get a mark from me for originality. BUT, if I didn’t think in my way at first sight the title would be quite predictable. 
I am aware that you only have 12 chapters so far therefore I won’t make a conclusion on this yet.
 
 
Foreword and description (8/10)
 
Firstly, I don’t fuss about how you use or place the foreword or the description, but you must have good content in them.
Your foreword has a few things that bug me.
  • In your character description where you introduced all the characters to us, you listed them in dot points. I would prefer that you’d put them into full sentences and describe them.
  • When you described Kai, above his picture it says ‘And this is your boyfriend (who turns out to be in one of the hottest new rookie group named "EXO".)’ To my understanding Kai is not EunHye’s boyfriend till later in the story. Your description makes it sound like he is already her boyfriend which is a bit misleading. 
  • The last thing is kind of connected to the previous problem (Supports my previous problem). When you described Taemin, ‘This is Lee Taemin, your childhood friend and your major crush (who apparently also have a crush on you)’. Like I said before, EunHye is not actually Kai’s girlfriend. What I get out from this description is: EunHye and Kai are together, but EunHye doesn’t really like him and ended up having a huge crush on her childhood friend Taemin.
The description though, takes away all the misunderstanding from the foreword. It clearly states your storyline and plot. So remember to make sure your foreword and descriptions make sense together because to some people the two may seem like they’re for two completely different stories.
 
 
Appearance (7/10)
 
You had a poster at the least which is good, BUT I think that it could be much more related to the storyline. In my opinion, you could of gotten a really great poster that emphasized your title of being in love with another face do you agree? Of course, I’m not holding any offence against the designer.
It would have been great if you had a background or even better, a trailer.
The layout of your story was alright, simple but sometimes jumps around. To be honest, I’m not so fond of reading italic unless it’s for an important thought or whatever. Try not to use italics too much, not just because of me personally but also it seems more professional to use words to describe your thoughts with good phrases than other elements.
Lastly, your font and font size is great, it’s easy to focus on the story instead of having distracting colours all over the place.
 
 
Creativity/Originality (9/15)
 
Although your title may seem original for me but I have seen the storyline many many times before. I recently finished a story with a similar storyline except with another EXO member as the main protagonist. That doesn’t mean I don’t like your story though, who doesn’t like that type of stuff??? Love it!
BUT, because this is about creativity/originality I can only give you a nine, Sorry :(
 
 
Story flow (10/10)
 
You have good speed in your story, everything flows well. Only one tiny little thing, I think EunHye opened up to Kai too easily maybe a bit more drama?
Cliffhangers? You have a few.
Always remember, you want to stop a chapter at the highest peak of the situation to build up more curiosity and tension from the readers!
 
 
Grammar/Vocabulary/Spelling/Punctuation (18/20)
 
You said English is your first language? Alright, I’ll treat your English like my own :3 Don’t be too afraid.
Throughout your story, I found myself quite confused. Your English was fine most of the time, but there were suddenly one or two chapters that seem like they were typed by two different people. It was only in a few chapters but the English seemed a bit messy and had some misuse of words. 
I thought maybe you were typing on something that’s a bit hard to type with, like an iPod?
I’m pretty sure the author’s English is not like that. I have had a few conversations with the author and she seems very very capable of using the good English.
Otherwise, the punctuation and everything else was alright.
 
 
Characterization (6/10)
 
I am just going to come straight at you gorgeous, your characters need some type of background and much more personal life/information involved. We don’t know anything about the characters except that some are famous, and does EunHye have a family… or?
The personalities of the characters were simple, common characters but that’s what I like reading and observing about. We humans aren’t as complicated as dramas say we are.
It would be great if you:
  • Gave the characters a ‘life’, by that I mean to give more detail to the characters existence and let the readers be able to imagine the character, and want to bring it to life.
  • Try to put some twists in the characters. No matter if it’s the looks, the family background, or whatever you want. You want to have something in the main character that is unique so your character can stand out from any other character out there.
When you give characters a ‘life’ you can then create much more situations that are more realistic. A few tips for you :)
 
 
Writing style (8/10)
 
Well there wasn’t a chosen point of view since it was varied and spread among the characters but the writing style and layout was quite easy to read. Would have been better if you used more descriptive words to describe how one feels.
 
 
Ending of the story (-/5)
 
No ending at the moment, but I can’t wait to find out what happens!!!!
 
 
Overall enjoyment (9.8/10)
 
I really like this story so far and think you should keep up with the good work!
Although Kai annoys me sometimes and gets me wanting to hit him haha, but it’s exciting.
Well, not like “OMG sooooo excited! I’m gonnnaaaa dieeeee~~!!!” since I’ve already read some similar stories and hope you will have some different twists in yours!
I am currently waiting patiently for your update :) 
 
 
Total score: 79.8/100 
For those with endings /(--105)
 
This is actually a pretty high score in my case since I’ve upgraded my reviewing criteria! 
Please don’t feel disheartened from my review! It’s just a personal opinion and review.
I hope you won’t hate me for this review! Sorry if I disappointed you with your score!
Hope we could still have a few chats every now and then :) 
 
Cheers. MinaFish xoxo

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