I hope I won't use my AFF blog for ranting, but I seriously need to. No one has to read this, but I just need to get it out.

My parents.

My stupid, hypocritical, subconsciously ist (or maybe not subconsciously), stubborn, money-loving parents.

Holy crap, where do I begin?

I seriously cannot take living in this stupid house anymore.

Can I leave?

Like right now?

People think my parents are cool, and they let me do what I want, but in reality...it's just a freaking act.

They haven't let me done many things in my childhood that I can never hope of doing in the future just because of "money". Personally, I think they just don't want to have to sacrifice even more after letting my brother do whatever the hell he wants. Sure, he's the 4.0+, athletic, determined, eldest child who got into UCLA, and he's the amazingly talented, musical, "I taught myself most of what I know" guitar/bass player, so OBVIOUSLY he has to be treated better, right? I mean, one can't argue his superiority over me.

So what if I don't like to play sports? Study for hours on end on subjects that don't interest me? Spend those hours drawing, writing, thinking about life instead? So what if I'm not him? Why do I have to deal with not being allowed to take a stupid art class? Lose the last (almost) 4 years of high school and all the more fun I could've had because the things I enjoy doing cost money? His rackets, shoes, bags, and gas cost money, didn't they?

I don't hate my brother.

In fact, he's on my side most of the time.

He knows how to treat me. 

He knows that he's been allowed to do much more than I have.

He's talked to them, asked them to change their ways, but no.

Even though they listen to him more than they listen to me, they still haven't changed. 

They wonder why I want to leave the house so badly. Why I don't find our house truly to be a "home". Why I'm always hanging out with people outside of this house. Why I want to study abroad so badly. Why I want to leave the country so badly.

They wonder why I talk more to my friends, actually hug my friends, and easily admit to loving my friends rather than doing those things to them.

To be honest, I don't know if I love them. And that's sad. Sure, they've provided for me, given me a place to live, fed me, clothed me, so on, but those are what all parents do. What's missing is that extra little step of support that I've never truly felt. 

Mom, $5 for a stupid orchestra concert isn't that much if you can afford to buy an iPad, expensive beauty products, and whatever else you shop for online. 

I really am just so...frustrated. I don't hate them. But I don't necessarily love them. They've been in my life, obviously, since I was born, but so have many other parents with their kids. 

Is it so wrong for me to want to be let go? For crying out loud, I'm almost 18. I'm not a child, and I don't deserve to be treated like one.

Sincerely,

Emily.