growing up in a dysfunctional family af. when you get friends and they be crying and your stupid cant comfort them since you literally got no one to comfort you when you're crying at home as well. having strict parents is fine but controlling ones literally creates anxious ers like me. i have a ed relationship with my parents and welp it also made me ed up as well but im trying to change. when my mom started cheating, she told me about it. i froze, she smiled.. SHE ING SMILED AT ME WHEN SHE CONFESSED SHE WAS CHEATING LIKE HOW IS THAT OKAY?!  my dad apparently knew this but he aint separating from my mom since my mom is giving him money to care for me but the money she be sending is literally going to ing gambles and debts that my dad has. my dad is an irresponsible parent, he literally has a teen mind like MF YOU'RE ING ALMOST 60 GET YOUR TOGETHER. oh yall dont know how much i wanna scream facts up their faces. my sister on the other hand didn't take the well and now she's ed up as well. the literally ing gaslights herself to think she's fine like girl, we can literally see you. i, myself gaslight as well since why not. i cant vent out to my friends about this since they might give me pity looks and say encouraging like how is that going to help me ? can you like just ing listen, its not that hard to ing listen. my parents marriage is ing crumbling, my sister is trying to help them patch it. my mom is still cheating on my dad but she thinks "we're only chatting and messaging online" is NOT a form of cheating, im like THATS STILL ING CHEATING YOU ING . and yes we curse at each other. but thats not the ing point. everything is not okay, my dad addicted to gambling, he doesnt care about me and i have to do all the fianancing around the house. my sister is working as well to aid us but yk the is planning to have her own family like she's too young for that but whatever, i have ing issues and im blogging here tipsy enought to ing write what i feel and not scream it to the world. i wanna k!ll myself, im so tempted everytime im tipsy but i wont since i have to PrOtEcT tHe FaMiLy NaMe since where im from, suicide is a bad bad thing yk.

i just wanna be a kid again but with better parents. fianancially stable as well. i cant ing deal with anybody's bull anymore, i just cant. kpop isnt helping me anymore nor is ing writing atm. a lot of ty experiences happened to me, when will i find a goddamn peace of mind. people ing irritates me and i might even have a chance to go crazy in the future. i cant even afford a ing therapist because its too expensive welp this is the only therapy i have which is cheaper and can be reachable anytime. i grew up too fast because of the cruel reality, this is why i dont want ing kids as well also i will never wanna be in a relationship as well anymore because love is practically dead now. i hope i can survive ing college :)) adios motherers.