feeling like garbage

maybe i'm being dramatic. and the world doesn't revolve around me, so i might be overthinking this.

i'm having such a hard time writing right now. within this year, there are several fics that i want to finish or at least work on.

i should be done with red. i've planned it to a tee, but for the love of god, my writing feels so bare-bones and lacking. the amount of times that i read over what i have and feel like crap should be illegal.

i'm not sure what it is because it has to be a mental thing. i'll read through it, and it's practically a string of he said, she said, basic sentences. i just want to ask myself: where the absolute hell did your skill go or why did you ever think you were good enough for this?

my prose for red is terrible by my standards.

i'm at a standstill. do i want to push through and maybe write garbage that won't ever live up to my standards? or do i just want to discontinue it? because i can't find it in myself to be happy with what i'm writing.

same goes for the rest of my stories. i feel like i'm not having fun anymore and writing right now. i hate feeling this way because to my current readers, you guys are so awesome and always sticking up for me when it feels like i'm at my worst.

i know i don't owe anybody anything. but my perfectionist side is constantly screaming at me to do something, write anything. i envy people who can churn out word vomit and feel that it's adequate to post. churning out word vomit isn't an issue for me. feeling confident that someone will enjoy my writing is. the quality in my writing's gone down, and i'm afraid y'all can tell. and even if i'm self-aware, i don't know how to fix it.

funnily, i've actually felt this way about fly away in the past but i managed to finish it and to this day, i think it's one of the best short stories that i've written. i'm really hoping i can manifest that.

sorry for the personal rant. i'm still trying my best, and i don't want to disappoint anybody. this is not me fishing for sympathy. i promise. i just want to be transparent with everybody for my lack of activity.

Comments

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baeknhyu
#1
noo dont say that. your writing has improved and is continuing to improve. just because you dont see or think of such way doesnt mean others dont. and alot of this mental i agree. sometimes you just have to have fun with it without thinking so much of 'damn is still even good enough'. your writing is really good and it makes it better that you come up with brilliant ideas and plot. it'll take time for your mental state to be at peace especially with writing so just try to have fun with it!
we're here to support<3
PuffTedEBear
#2
😘 sending cyber love your way. I understand, we understand.
It is better to recoup, refocus and regather then come back refreshed.
Emilieee
#3
aww, i'm sorry to hear this :( burnout happens and while individuals vary, i'm sure many if not all authors have experienced the feeling of inadequacy.

in one of my courses i took last year, we learned that the process of skill acquisition (and learning in general) is never a straight slope upwards. there are periods of rapid improvement, stagnation, and what might even look like detoriation. so sometimes we look back to things we once did and wonder why we aren't performing at that level—but that's natural!! i always find it encouraging to look at my earliest writing and think that no matter what i have improved, and that's something to be proud of. and even if you feel like you're in a period of detoriation, it happens depending on our motivation, mental state, etc, and isn't permanent.

like everyone below me suggested, i think taking a break for a little while might help. sometimes stepping back and returning later helps you look at things with fresh eyes and even more appreciation.

best of luck, if you want to talk feel free to dm me <3
Baekhyunsoul
#4
I agree with the others. This is means take that break. Read those stories for fun, avoid readin if it comes to it. Do whatever that takes you out of your head and to just relaxing and enjoying something again. Reading is my escape but I know when my escape has overwhelmed me and I need to pull back and do something else until my pleasure in it comes back. I hope you get what you need to find the relief and balance so that you can find your steeze as my friend puts it.
DeeDee101
#5
This means you need a break. It's better you take your needed time and focus on yourself rather than forcing yourself. Forcing yourself to do something that's supposed to be stress reliever is not a good way. You'll only ended up hating it as soon as you click aff. I'm telling this from personal experience. I took more then 6 breaks since 2013 believe me it but here I am.

Ready to finish my stories and to simply write for my pleasure.
Ekale_erie
#6
I think this is an indication that you should take a break. Things like these are common and every writer goes through them at some point in their lives. You aren't losing your touch because you, youself, are the one who wrote such great stories in the past. I think you just need to refresh yourself. Maybe going out with friends and family will help. Don't worry about your readers. We have full faith in you. We will wait patiently for the time until you get back on the track again because we can't afford to lose a writer like you.
I'll wait for you.
Take care ❤️
bbbh04 #7
it’s totally fine to let out what it’s inside of you, in fact it’s very healthy to talk about what’s bothering you! and you should never push yourself to the extreme take a break it’s fine we all can wait! because at the end of the day this is about you. you are your top priority :) so think about what’s best for you and do what makes you happy! things do get better eventually! and i can wait here!! <3
TheKnees
#8
In all honesty tho, I think you might want to take a break. I for sure don't want you done but part of what makes reading fun is thinking about how the author might have enjoyed writing too and I think it's the least you owe to yourself. Pushing yourself might not make it feel better, maybe resting for a while will.



Whatever you decide to do or not, I will be here supporting and I am sure there's more people out there who will be here too :) life's already brutal to be killing your hobby as well