feeling like garbage
maybe i'm being dramatic. and the world doesn't revolve around me, so i might be overthinking this.
i'm having such a hard time writing right now. within this year, there are several fics that i want to finish or at least work on.
i should be done with red. i've planned it to a tee, but for the love of god, my writing feels so bare-bones and lacking. the amount of times that i read over what i have and feel like crap should be illegal.
i'm not sure what it is because it has to be a mental thing. i'll read through it, and it's practically a string of he said, she said, basic sentences. i just want to ask myself: where the absolute hell did your skill go or why did you ever think you were good enough for this?
my prose for red is terrible by my standards.
i'm at a standstill. do i want to push through and maybe write garbage that won't ever live up to my standards? or do i just want to discontinue it? because i can't find it in myself to be happy with what i'm writing.
same goes for the rest of my stories. i feel like i'm not having fun anymore and writing right now. i hate feeling this way because to my current readers, you guys are so awesome and always sticking up for me when it feels like i'm at my worst.
i know i don't owe anybody anything. but my perfectionist side is constantly screaming at me to do something, write anything. i envy people who can churn out word vomit and feel that it's adequate to post. churning out word vomit isn't an issue for me. feeling confident that someone will enjoy my writing is. the quality in my writing's gone down, and i'm afraid y'all can tell. and even if i'm self-aware, i don't know how to fix it.
funnily, i've actually felt this way about fly away in the past but i managed to finish it and to this day, i think it's one of the best short stories that i've written. i'm really hoping i can manifest that.
sorry for the personal rant. i'm still trying my best, and i don't want to disappoint anybody. this is not me fishing for sympathy. i promise. i just want to be transparent with everybody for my lack of activity.
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