just random mulling...

...since my 'grand' anniversary on this site is coming up...and unlike other past years, this year i realized it before it passed by lol...i'm wondering how should i celebrate myself explosively haa...

 

should i write special series of blogposts, like my fav questionnaire thingies, or my random games, or my reflection of all the years here? you bet i will do that....that is if i don't get sidetracked by other things n totally forgot later on...until i'm left with very little time...

tbh...even to reflect there's nothing much than me myself n i...i did make some friendships in the past...but they're all gone....either by my mistakes or they just moved on with real life and never looked back....unfortunately unlike the pathetic me who always look back even from back then in fandom communities before i came here....communities that no longer exist.

 

should i advertise one of my fics...or more if i'm feeling like wastingspending more money...?

there was a time i actually did advertise some of my fics...just that one moment...of i guess...excitement...but in the end...if i look back, there's nothing much to my fics....most don't even have universe of their own other than some including the monthly series i did that didn't even feature any celebrity directly and hence might not qualify as 'fan'fiction...my fics for the most parts indulged in mixing reality and fiction...which i guess can be seen in my most well received fic. at the end of the day, there's just nothing much to flaunt...even many of my fics were stranded anyway...there might be one fic that i feel good enough to advertise as it had solid message, beautiful wordings and an assembly of nugus i bet nobody on this site know most of the main characters lol...but sadly it's in Malay, and the malay fic community even moreso heavily centered around popular idols the last time i checked which was long ago so advertising it would only mean i'm just desperate to waste my money which i definitely am not...and yeah...while advertising was fun...thrilling...the attention that you paid for would never match the attention that was organic, hard earned by the work itself. of course, some people need ads to guide them to fics that they might come to love, and i certainly won't judge others who advertise....but just...when it comes to personal satisfaction...i'm surprised one fic i advertised just left me feeling hollow from the temporary attention in the form of 'congrats of being featured'....in the end...even with some new readers leaving nice comments that showed they read...i felt demotivated to continue and estranged from the fic...compared to some fics that barely had one reader but i manage to write to the end. turns of events and how they effect you can be strange and inexplainable...i guess...

 

should i write a new fic...?

even though i am not super inspired neither do i have any epic idea?

I guess oneshot shouldn't be too hard...long ago before i even joined this site when my writing was 10000x worse than on this site,...which still isn't much...one of the readers told me that they thought i'm better at oneshots than chaptered fic...

these days...i have quite a few idols, even pet celebrities on yt that i'm stanning.. i might be able to come up with something...afterall....i can easily have explosions of ideas that mostly ended up being unwritten anyway....

but would it be fitting for a grand anniversary? a random oneshots of a random group i just started to stan?

idk.

my first published fanfic(not on this site) was written with friends i made on the forum as part of the characters...and one of those friends in turn wrote a beautiful and extremely well written fic with me as the main character...it was grand, because the fanfics symbolize our friendships more than just our fangirling...sadly...the site disappeared after a while...together with the incomplete fic(mine was completed, hers wasn't), and our faded connection...i still think of her and our conversations from time to time...and the fic that she wrote for me....it's a pity because i really wanted to know what would happen...she probably knew i hated cliche so it probably won't go the cliche direction...i love me twists...xD

Anyway, those are the kind of fics that feel grand...for me at least...those that means something, more than just a plot.

 

Should i revive one of my countless abandoned fics even for nobody?

Actually, one of my abandoned fics had been getting some new subscribers recently...most likely because the drama it was originally based on just ended its 4th season run and people were curious...and because i put the fic to subscribers only so they couldn't sneak in and out and had to reveal themselves to read the few chapters published...

but reviving my abandoned fics is a dead topic, if i am being real....how many times have i said my determination to do it...well saying is easier than doing...and i guess...it's not easy to go back to something after so damn many years...might as well start anew...i guess in the case of my past fic [Spectacular]---i'm too lazy to stylized the title to be the same as the actual title of my fic....i was lucky that the comment that came after one year of abandonement...was enough to reignite my drive to continue the fic from where i left and successfully completed it...such luck don't come often...

if there's one fic i really want to revive...it's either Tremor(just to show appreciation to the few new subscribers n maybe then they'll start commenting something...probably not lol)....or Bug(because i just feel it's possibly my coolest fic n i like feeling cool lol) but of course, that's not a plan nor promise...just wishful thinking without any real determination/effort to back up the thought...

 

Such a hassle....

maybe i could just do....nothing. lol.

no. maybe something. something small, not really grand, but fitting. afterall, it's just a small celebration of myself and i. there's no need for anything grand. 

 

Anyway, don't feel pressued to give me any answers as my questions were mostly just me mulling to myself...nothing serious or asking for real answers...just that i decided to write them out....

 

 

i'll leave you with a song that i feel fitting...the song is about the thought process of a songwriter....and i feel fanfic writers mostly will be able to relate....it's a really cute song too....your loss if you don't check it out xD...

 

 

 

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