I feel like I owe everyone an explanation and apology for my absence for forty eight hours (lol). Truthfully, I needed silence and intended the break to be longer but I am so weak HAHAHA. Disappearing in this site made me so bored and I later on realized the things I also took for granted. I missed y'all and my life was so monotonous without this account. T-T

1. APOLOGY

First and foremost, I am sorry that I made you worried because of my last blog. As mentioned, the problems we are experiencing isn’t over and they keep on piling up. I could only hope that things will work out fine... *sighs*

2. NOISE AND SILENCE

Let’s talk about noise.

According to Merriam-Webster’s dictionary, it is any sound that is undesired or interferes with one's hearing of something.

A noise can be awful or unpleasant. And here’s the noise I experienced firsthand:

You know what happens when there is a thing called trigger? It can break someone. No matter how small or tiny it is, it can literally break a person into pieces. And that’s what happened to me. I thought I was just being overly sensitive but in the end, I wanted to validate what I felt. What I am experiencing in reality is so damn heartbreaking that’s why I consider this site as my escape. I made some surprises for something that I am hosting and I received a not so good response over it.

And it made me cry. Really. As in I cried while I typed my blog last time. Even my wounds from the hateful comment I received years ago have been reopened. The amount of angst I experience in real life is just too much that I can’t understand why would someone leave a message that hurt me in the place I consider my escape when all I wanted was just to make everyone happy.

And these noises are really dangerous because they can destroy a person’s heart. It’s been years but I haven’t forgotten about that hateful comment. And the not so good message added up.

I remember getting into an argument with one user because I kind of dragged the fandom vs. another but I made it clear that I was pertaining to my own statistics. For example you have 100 views in a chapter but will only gain 5 comments, how would you feel?

Now, let’s discuss silence.

Merriam-Webster defines it as forbearance from speech or noise: MUTENESS or a situation, state, or period of time in which people do not talk.

Several years ago, I called out on my silent readers and here’s what some of them said and also see below how I responded: (Trigger Warning: An immature and annoyed Lyn XD)

1. Reader: I guess some just like reading but not interacting. I can understand some might be afraid to comment.

Lyn: I know. So i would prefer if people dont subscribe at all. It feels like im talking to a thin air and it . I made it easier for all of us. I stopped writing exo fics so that means there's no need for me to become disappointed because there are no silent readers.

2. Reader: I'm sorry, I really am.. I didn't mean it like that. You know with collage and all, it's hard to find time where you can just have fun and all, so I only used my 20 min break to read aff.

Lyn: It's also hard to make time for authors in writing stories but silent readers tend to be inexpressive. I dont hate all silent readers but the fact that majority of you are slient is ticking me off. So if you're silent then i think i must become one too so ill stop writing exo fics. Thank you.

3. Reader: Oh:( I didn't know our comments mean a lot to authors out there... I've always thought us readers commenting is only for feedbacks, or giving authors affirmation that yep there are people out there who enjoys their story. On the same hand, I also thought that giving affirmation to authors in another way is to subscribe to their stories following their stories even if the story is completed and we have finished reading.

Lyn: Exactly. Feedbacks provide insights so that authors will know if their work was good or not. So imo it's necessary. not commenting and just simply subscribing is not what i'll consider being appreciative.

4. Reader: I guess I also become a silent reader due to own lack of comments.

Lyn: That's the negative effect of receiving few/ no comments. People tend to become silent. Why write when people wont bother to even thank you for your time and effort, right?

5. Reader: i'm sorry but I will respect your decision because I a silent reader too but I want to say I really appreciate you story just I became a silent reader because my english not so perfect and you will not understand what I'm gonna say...sorry.

Lyn: Whatever you say, i will try to understand. I'm not perfect. English isnt my first language.

6. Reader: I became a silent reader due to the fact that I too have a story, yet no one is commenting...

Lyn: I am afraid the aff will be full of stories with people who dont comment. That's why i stopped being a silent reader.

7. Reader: I actually understand the fact that you don't appreciate silent readers. However, I feel shy about commenting because I feel like my opinion won't be appreciated or respected by other commentors. I will try to be more vocal about the stories that I read. Thank you for alerting me of my mistake.

Lyn: it takes bravery, i guess. The first time I shared my story, I felt shy and even now in every chapter I post I feel shy and nervous thinking people might not like it or they'll get disappointed. You should comment more on other authors. it's good that you have realized your mistake. but for this incident, i guess it was too late.

My response to the comments above made me laugh at myself. LMAO. But I am not invalidating what I felt less than five years ago. Silent readers and the hateful comment I received were the reasons why I stopped writing Exo fics.

What brought me back to writing Exo fics then?

The answer is Baekhyun is myself and the readers. This time around, more people commented and more people interacted with me. This is the noise authors need!

I am not spreading hate towards silence or silent readers. My feelings years ago changed as well.

What I’m trying to display on the table is the fact that authors need your comments too.

We need your feedback. We need your insights. We love reading your reactions! We need to know if you’re enjoying or not. How are we supposed to know if there’s no reaction from your end?

We know you read. We can see the views. You may say simply staying subscribed is also an act of appreciation but since you’re also reading the story and enjoying it, a simple six letter word (thanks) will do, too.

Worried about your grammar? Who cares about grammar in a comment? The comments section is not a test paper for English.

You’re busy? Authors are busy too.

If you’re an author and no one leaves comment on your stories, all the more reason for you to leave comments on other people’s works.

Why? Because we should always put ourselves in each other’s shoes guys. The initiative should always start with us. If we want a better and healthier community, we need to support each other.

To conclude, the answer to the question I asked myself last time is this:

I write for myself and for the people who read my stories.

3. OC x IDOL, YURI &

I would also like to address this issue too since I have received comments about these three on my previous blog.

It is, without a doubt, true that Yuri and fictions have dominated the featured section in AFF. When I started here, there were a lot of them and also tumblr and ao3 and other sites. I have nothing against them.

What I didn’t know is the fact that the number of OC x IDOl authors are diminishing? Is that true?

There was a time I wanted to write a story about KaiSoo HAHAHA, thinking it will gain attention but quickly scratched that idea since it’s not the reason why I started writing. XD I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

We all have different preferences and we should respect each other. If you enjoy what you write, go for it!

4. “FRIENDS”

I’ve been mum about this for months but I keep on seeing different signs around me. Majority of the people here has been nice to me and I want to spread positive vibes too so you will often see me initiating a Q & A blog, posting random things on feed, and crashing on my friends’ walls.

But we should always be careful with our online friends.

I ALWAYS SAY I HATE LIARS. I HATE THEM THE MOST. THE NEXT TO LIARS ARE TROUBLESOME PEOPLE. EMOTIONAL BLACKMAILERS ARE A BIG NO NO AS WELL!

If I already said I don't want something, let it end there, please. Kindly give me respect. If you see me not responding to you, please get a hint. I won’t block anyone because of what happened but I don’t think I owe anyone a response at this point. Just let me be at peace. That’s what I want.

If you think you’ve lied to me or you have fooled me at some point, say it to my face and I won’t forgive you for what you did. I will appreciate the honesty but our friendship will end there. If you continue wearing that mask and fool me and then one day I find out the truth and see a conclusive evidence… Darling, you don’t want to witness my rage. :) I’ve tried to ignore things and I even had to become blind and deaf but I feel like I’m a lead character from a K-Drama lately. LOL. I heard some things and I don’t know what to believe and how to react anymore. I’m mind blown. XD I do hope there’s a plot twist down the road. I don’t want the friendship to get wasted. But if you're indeed a liar, let's end everything now.

I do find some people annoying but at the end of the day, that’s just my opinion so it can be different from how others perceive things. Also, some people can be annoying on Mondays but I can appreciate their presence on Tuesdays. HAHAHA. I’m so random.

Because of what I am experiencing in the past months, I am hesitant to accept friend requests or add people. Trust issues, LMAO.

5. SUMMARY

I’m sorry for being so talkative. This blog is sooo lengthy hahaha! In summation, I deeply apologize for my sudden absence… I hope we can maintain the balance between noise and silence and use both when necessary, write the content you truly want whether it’s oc, or yuri, and make friends but don’t forget to be careful at all times.

Ending this long blog here.

Thank you and stay safe.

Lyn