Hi.

If you’ve read some of my A/Ns or posts in feed, my family and I are facing a huge problem that still hasn’t ended.

I wonder if you’ve noticed the frequency of my updates? The numerous chapters/oneshots I post in a week? The number of fluff stories I tried hard to write just to battle my loneliness?

I always tell Nuna and the others that I don’t bother counting the comments I receive in a certain update anymore. In the past, I used to set expectations and internally set a bar for myself to gain at least ten comments in each of my update/posts.

Years ago, I even posted a blog to call out silent readers but what did I gain in return? A hateful comment that indicated I was an attention and that my stories are cliché and that I should stop writing. The person even compared me to a professional writer.

It went so bad that I even unsubbed my silent readers. That’s how enraged I was.

If I don’t gain much comments/votes in an update, I always try to cheer myself up by thinking I could do better next time. That perhaps, this chapter was boring so I can write more interesting stuff for the next update.

To satisfy myself, I decided to focus on views instead. It often tells me that people are reading. They see my updates.

Some people find solace in silence, right? I always try to put myself in the readers’ shoes. Even in Youtube, there are many viewers but not everyone leaves a comment in the videos.

However, even when I try to understand how busy people are, how silent most of my readers are, I can’t help but feel sad when I don’t receive much comments or upvotes. I guess deep down, the mean comment I received years ago was somehow true – I am a for attention. But why am I writing fanfics in the first place?

Moreover, I have been really clingy to my online friends lately – which is not exactly me. I am happy though, that they can make me laugh and forget about my struggles momentarily.

This boils down again to the question I once asked myself… Am I writing for myself or for votes and comments? I am once again becoming gripped over responses.

The thing is, I miss people being active. I just miss receiving comments. Also, I hate it when people make it seem like I am unfair. I just want everyone to be happy but why do I feel like every time I do good, some will always take it negatively and they have so much to say when all I want is for everyone to be happy.

Why are people inclined to be silent when they appreciate something and it’s easy for them to drop negative comments?

Maybe, I am also sensitive lately because of what I’m going through. But please, don’t bark at me.

For once, can you all please be silent when you have nothing nice to say and make noise when it’s necessary?

I don’t give a damn if I don’t have any sleep… just to give you guys an update, hoping I can always make someone’s day.

What’s so hard about giving votes and comments?

Do fanfic authors need to be professional writers to gain respect?

Do I so bad at writing that’s why most people are silent?

I will always be thankful to those people who appreciate me... I am being so emotional. As a middle child, I always received less attention. In AFF, I have the same situation. I am often liked by many but will never be someone's number one, someone's favorite.

I wonder how you would all feel when I also become silent?

I wonder if all of you will miss me too if I suddenly vanished?

Army143ExoL