As you can see by the title, it’s my birthday! I turned 20 today (September 14 because I’m posting late), so it’s quite a big milestone. I’ve been on this planet for two decades now!! I’m so old :-D
All jokes aside, I’m making this blog post because I thought it would be cool to reflect on my past few years on AFF.
Four years ago, I started writing on AFF again after a long hiatus.
I just wanted to quench my writing hobby, but since then, I’ve realized how big of a part that writing really has on my life. In addition, writing here has helped me connect with other writers and fans within K-pop. I’ve made so many friends in the past four years, and I am so glad that I’ve continued to write for so long because I wouldn’t have met or talked to so many of you!
I have no idea what the coming years will bring me, but if I can make it to 20, then I can make it anywhere.
Thank you to all my friends for being there for me, thank you to all my muses, and thanks to everyone who read stories. Writing would not have been so fun without you all to be there with me.
Secondly, I wanted to update everyone on what I’ve been going through in the past two months.
(Warning: mentions of death)
I haven’t updated my ongoing stories because I’ve been very busy with a new semester. I also recently experienced a devasting personal loss within my life. I lost a close friend in an accident in which I was lucky only to receive a concussion, and it has brought back perspective to who I am and what I want to do.
Not to sound cheesy, but life really is short—too short not to be happy with the choices you make.
After my friend’s passing, I realized that I need to do my best in my life and make sure that I do things that I like, that I can be proud of—and not just settle for the minimum in the short time we all have here. I don’t want to spend my life just okay or indifferent about what I’ve been doing, whether that’s remaining in unhealthy relationships or hiding your true self in fear of judgement. I want to be myself and do things I like. I only get once chance in life after all.
That being said, I’m happy to say that I’ve been making a lot of changes that contribute to a better overall well-being. I’ve deactivated a lot of my social media or stopped posting entirely on certain platforms. I’ve finally started to take my classes more seriously and regularly attend study groups. I’ve invested time in other hobbies that I always wanted to pursue.
When my friend died, a part of me did too, but I also grew…defiant. I don’t want to be unhappy any longer than I need to be. If I can change something I don’t like, then I should.
That being said, I also want to commit to new changes to what I’ve been writing.
I love writing with all my heart, but recently, I’ve realized how unsatisfied I’ve really been with it. I’ve been writing about Exo and Baekhyun since 2016, and lately, I’ve been so bored doing only that! I want to write about anything and everything that interests me, and I don’t care if that makes some people unhappy.
I say this because I know I do have a “following” of people who want and expect me to write only for Exo or only for Baekhyun, and I know I must be disappointing some of them… But also, I’m not here to follow wishes 24/7 or pander.
I will be writing about other fandoms soon (mainly Red Velvet and other girl groups), and I just wanted to get that out there because 2021 might be the last year where I write for Exo, but we’ll see. Meanwhile, expect me to post a Seulrene fic I’ve been working on soon! I’m so excited for what’s to come.
20 feels like a turning point, and I’m aiming for the apex.