Lately I've been soaking myself in regret. Thinking "what if I didn't gave up on certain people, hobbies and beliefs. Maybe I would be happy". It's quite a heavy burden to carry. There were nights when I'd just start crying out of the blue. There were days when I feel vulnerable. I'd visit the profile, I'd check the old pictures, I'd tell the stories, I'd revisit the good times. All of these emotions makes me regret the decisions I made. "I think I got it all wrong" I would tell myself. "If only I remained strong and brave. If only I stayed longer." For months it would torture me.

But.. .

One night .. .

I just realized.. .

Why am I having regrets?

I asked myself.

Why did you gave up on that person? Why did you stopped doing that hobby? Why did you left that belief. Why did you choose to change?

I start to remember why I did those things.

I gave up on that person because I was losing myself. I got too comfortable with the hurt that I almost forgot my worth. I welcomed the pain thinking I deserve to be treated that way. I let go--to free myself from the emotional and mental torture I've put myself in to.

I stopped doing that hobby because while I was flourishing in my self made world I was fading in the real one. My world was getting smaller as I stay inside my room. 

I left that belief because it did nothing to me but listen to negative words, respond to my emotions and blame myself or other people.

I choose to change because I have to. If I want to be happy. If I want to be free.

This new life I chose is unknown to me but it doesn't make my life bad. I'm recovering. This is part of the process.

When I realized those things I stopped regreting and started embracing the life I have now.

So if ever you start regreting your decision--ask yourself, remind yourself why you came up with that conclusion.