writer burnout is real and we could all cut ourselves some slack

Hi, it's me again. I'm going on and off the rails. So before I talk about the main topic of today, I want to give y'all some background. I always had the love of reading as I was growing up, but I never once thought to myself that I could be a writer. Well, that all changed when I discovered kpop. I had a mild case of kpop addiction that lead me to search for more and more content but I was always insatiable. I just couldn't quite scratch that spot until I finally discovered this website.

I've been a fan of kpop since 2013, but I didn't truly pick up writing until 2014. My first couple of fanfics that I published are now gone. Hopefully. Forever. To say the least, I knew nothing about writing and plot building. Though, I didn't understand the technical parts of writing. I knew that I loved writing. I loved creating characters and worlds of my own. I used to read fanfiction all the time, and I was always unsatisfied. Sometimes, I wanted to take aspects of such stories and just rewrite them to my liking.

Hence why I've stuck with writing. I took a long break between 2014 to 2017. I wrote on and off. I deleted multiple stories and multiple accounts. I blamed it on writer's block, but really, it was just a lack of confidence. I never knew what I was doing or why I was doing it. I was tired of just writing aimlessly. Yeah, creative writing is fun but I never had any structure or plot in my stories.

That was until I wrote Disjecta Membra. For the first time, I discovered my own writing style. I experimented through emulating traditionally published authors. But the downside of that was my inability to read fanfictions.

I still can't read it anymore. I'm not sure why because I've tried so many times, but every time, I would feel insecure about my own writing. I would have a lot of doubts about whether I was truly producing good works and not just trashy Wattpad quality fictions. I'm not bashing fanfiction, trust me. I love having context and background to start with. It's easier than creating a novel from scratch.

My journey probably resembles yours. We all grow insecure at some point with the lack of feedback on this platform. However, the method of how we push ourselves to write is different for everyone. At the beginning of my journey, I let that insecurity build and build until I stopped writing completely. Thankfully, my love for reading hasn't changed. I read all mediums. During my 2016-2019 hiatus, I read traditionally published books, indie published books and fanfictions/stories on both Wattpad and AFF.

Honestly, it was my love for reading that saved me. I'm not very artistically skilled, but I needed an outlet and writing became one for me. When I stopped writing, my life felt dull. I envied other people's ability to churn out thousands of words in one chapter. I envied how my favorite authors could write so well and build characters that made me feel. I wanted that skill, so with Disjecta Membra, I tried it. I rewrote that entire story. I added my favorite aspects of fictional characters that I've read in other works. Then, I polished my writing style with Éphémère.

I'm far from perfect. Sometimes, I think about plot devices I've used that shouldn't have been used. I worry about the relatability of my characters or whether my stories are well-fleshed out. Sometimes, there are days when I don't want to write at all. I read over my past works and feel inadequate.

So, my entire point of this blog is to validate all of you including pep-talking myself. Your writing journey doesn't decide who you are. It never ends. Everyone is a writer. Some can articulate it well. Others can't, but that's okay. That's why we read and build those stories in our heads. You might think that just because you aren't physically writing, that means you aren't a writer. I feel like writing is metaphorical as well. Let's say you're reading something. You are the writer as well. The expressions of each character that plays out and the way the dialogue sounds in your head—it all counts. Envying people is normal, but don't let that envy render you into a year-long writer's block. 

Sometimes, the variables in our lives are out of control (whether that be work, school, or just life in general), but just know, writing is comfort and your readers also find comfort in your writing. Both sides benefit mutually from it. I won't police your motivations. It can be from feedback or it can be purely from wanting to release every imaginable idea into this world. That's valid. You are valid. Trust yourself. Maybe you need a break. Maybe you're the type of person who has neverending ideas. Maybe you can't ever finish stories. That's okay because you aren't the only ones who feel that way.

I feel that way all the time. Remember, lack of feedback doesn't determine how good you are. Don't let grammar nazis pull you down. You can always learn how to technically write well, but those stories in your head—if you enjoy them, then there will be people who enjoy them. You can't be ty if you don't start somewhere. Every new writer is imperfect. Every seemingly perfect writer is still learning. So don't let that voice in your head stop you.

I still write on and off because yes, burnout is real. Sometimes, I just can't sit down and write like I did with Éphémère. So, to the me that currently feels stagnant with Janus, you're allowed to write a new story. You can take a break. 

On a random note, I am thinking of writing a short story like R U Ridin'? and Fly Away. I need help on the male protagonist though. I wanna write a Jeno fic, but I also know that it won't get a lot of traffic mainly because NCT Dream is relatively unpopular on this platform.

I'll link the poll right here. Okay, 'til next time!