Dealing with Rejection from Schools/People/Jobs/Auditions + Rejection song rec.

I hope this is timed correctly.... ALSO SORRY, it's another long one. Like, the longEST. I don't want to ever write this much for a blog again...

 

Hi! It's _Knutty_!

To those of you who read my blog post on applying to schools and such, this is a bit of a follow up blog post on the results. It also addresses rejection in relationships and career/jobs later (it's in sections)!

Rejection song rec at very end, if you just want that lol. 


College Rejection

Depending on the program, or whether it's undergraduate or post graduate study, results will probably be coming out anywhere from February to May.

 

So... starting now. 

 

If you applied to early decision or rolling admissions, most likely you'll be hearing back around this time, though do not panic if you haven't already heard back. Sometimes it takes a while. There is also a critical piece of information that everybody has to take into accountCovid-19 really screwed this year. 

 

Seriously. I know that people have been dying and made homeless which are bigger and more obvious issues than getting into school, but a probably unexpected result of the current world situation is that EVERYBODY and their mother and their father's mother's third grandson applied to school. 

 

Not to brag, but I'm pretty competitive on paper and did well in my interviews, and even I am having a difficult time. Responses are taking longer than usual as well. I've already received some rejection emails that you could tell were extremely apologetic explaining that "this year was unusually competitive". Some took months to give me a decision. Some schools never responded. My personal theory is that either everybody was intimidated at the economy and decided to try for a fully funded program and therefore added to the amount of students already intending to apply, or everybody took the time they were forced to stay at home and really perfected their applications saying to themselves "this is the year that I go back." Whatever the reason, the chances of getting in to school (or the school you wanted) have dropped. For example, NYU usually has around 80,000 applications per year. This year, they received over 100,000. They admit about 13 -15,000 students, meaning their acceptance rate is lower than some Ivy League schools. Every school experienced this raise in application numbers, so I guess it was just the worst possible year to apply, haha. 

 

But don't be discouraged! There will be a place for you to study somewhere! Don't stress about your application status just yet. If you happen to be accepted to ANY school, please take a moment to celebrate your achievement! On a normal year it's already cause for celebration. This year, bake yourself a damn cake and eat piles of your favorite food and scream it to the world that you made it. Mark it on a calendar, call your relatives. 

 

However, if you are on the opposite side of this spectrum, you're probably not feeling too great. I know this feeling well, and I'm always here to talk to if you'd like. I've been rejected from two dream schools of mine; one of them twice. I'm not proud of my undergraduate school, nor do I consider it an achievement. And, for me, it's looking like they're the only school even considering re-admitting me, despite me coming very, very close to being accepted elsewhere. At this point you may be reading and be thinking "well, clearly they didn't accept you for a reason. You sound arrogant, and maybe your application wasn't that great to begin with". That's fine. But I know me and I know others who have impressive qualifications who were turned away. This year, and really any year, it's not helpful to focus on where you fall short, or what may have denied you entry. The thing is, the university will not tell you. 

 

The default rejection phrase, outside of the one about high volume of applications this year, is: Thank you for applying/your interest in _____________(school name) program. Unfortunately, we are not able to offer you admissions at this time. 

 

It's simple, it's polite, and it says nothing. Maybe the interviewers didn't like your on-camera look. Maybe you used an odd phrase. Maybe you had 2 too many spelling errors in your paper. Maybe your delivery fell flat. Maybe everybody applied to that major/program/school. Maybe the university didn't want to fund your project. Maybe somebody from your school/area was already accepted and their demographics quota was full. Maybe you didn't know enough people in the school/ on the board. Maybe your recommendations weren't strong enough. 

 

You can come up with 100 "maybe"s, but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter because their answer was "no", and they will not elaborate. *Also, pro-tip, do not CALL the admissions department and ask why you were rejected because they don't do that and you will not be looked upon favorably. That's directed more toward overbearing parents than young adults, but still.* I suggest you read blogs by admissions officers at colleges. You'll learn right there how silly a rejection or acceptance really is. They read essays and qualifications and grades aloud. They vote. Your application is put into either the "accepted", "waitlisted", or "rejected" category. Next application. They don't spend hours going over it. Your immediate future comes down to minutes and how effective you sound on paper. Graduate level may depend on the interview and largely on the department's own research focus and where they want to put their funding. 

 

It's almost a game. 

 

In a big way, it's really gross. But to many of us, this is the path we're supposed to go. That we're pushed toward. Even if you decide on August 1st that you don't want to go, you have to apply beforehand. So what do you do when your hopes, plans, and dreams have gone dark and have been completely cut off just like you closing the tab on "apartments near ____ university"? (It hurts, I know). 

 

1. Cry. Cry if you need/want to. I cried for 3 days my first time around, despite already knowing the answer. I was hoping they'd consider the second school preference if I failed my first. I don't think they even looked at it, in the end. Let it out. Try not to hold a grudge against the school, if you can. It just wasn't the time, and it's not worth your energy. Also, I suggest opening results in private, if you can. It allows you to feel what you need to without the pressure or worry about your parents' reactions. Punch and scream into pillows, write angry words on paper over and over, journal, grab a punching bag, draw, listen to music, dance, exercise. Find your outlet and LET IT OUT!

 

2. Meditate/calm your breathing. Take the time to connect yourself with your surroundings. If you're prone to panic attacks, university decisions may just be torture. Connect yourself to tangible objects or the ground or your breathing to let yourself know that your reality is in front of you, not in that email or piece of paper. 

 

3. Know that your acceptance/rejection is not your self-worth. A school rejecting you does not mean that you are a failure. It doesn't mean that you're stupid. Or not "Ivy League" material. All it means is "not here not now". Admission is so fickle that in a year you could get in with a transfer (if you really don't want to attend the school you end up accepted to), or you could apply to a different department and get in, if you have the time. 

 

4. Calm your relatives. If you have a family anywhere close to mine, they ask you what you're doing and where you're applying all the time. Then they follow up. They want to know everything. And if you've been rejected, especially from a famous school, they will have to be informed. Once you ride out your initial wave of emotions, decide how you're going to phrase it. They can say whatever they want from "I knew it" to "that's unfortunate". It may take some mental strength to put up some walls to protect against the wave of disapproval/disappointment, especially if you happen to be in a weird life-long competition with your cousins all the time. Use phrases like "I don't think this was the year", or "Well, it seems the admissions people made some difficult decisions", or "I'm not sure why, but they see a lot of applications, and I guess I just wasn't a good fit." There is a decent chance that the last one was true. Some admissions officers are very good at spotting who will thrive and who will not do well. Finally, there's the classic, "Yeah, I was rejected, but I was thinking about attending/doing _________ anyway." Perhaps a joke about not having student loans or expensive tuition. Or, if you're super close and they won't judge you, cry and express how disappointed you actually are.

 

5. If you've been waitlisted (or waitlisted and this is the school you want/need), and receive those emails about meeting with professors and students from the department or sitting in on seminars/courses to see how it works, GO TO THOSE/ SIT IN ON THEM. Show your interest. You never know how many students they will be admitting off the list and how many positions in the department are available, especially for fully funded programs. At this point, you want them to know that you're still serious. Don't be obnoxious, but make sure you're making contact and getting involved. If you're an undergraduate, this may not apply to you. I'm not sure how undergraduate waitlist works. 

 

Rejection itself is crushing. Schools define a 2-8 year chunk of your young life, your lifestyle, your potential connections with jobs and people, and sometimes career path. So no pressure, right??? I have to say though, in the end, none of my friends have ever been rejected from EVERY school they applied to. It goes back to the whole "reach" school, "target" school, and "safety" school, but usually when you apply to 4-11 schools, you'll have at least one that says "yes" and you receive the financial offers.

 

This year, that may actually change. If the answer is "no" across the board, SERIOUSLY reach out if you'd like to talk, and just know that you are intelligent and a lovely human being. Maybe this year just isn't the year. It's OKAY. My advice would be to try for a job instead and start thinking of your materials to apply for next year if this is really what you want to pursue. You'll never know what will come your way. Sometimes you can even get an internship (usually if you're younger) without college. I live near a bay with environmental research going on all the time and they have summer internships to collect water samples every day and analyze them in a lab. No college required. I was offered the position while visiting my old job that I had in a dry cleaners. I PROMISE you, that as long as you pick a path to move forward, whether you're running or walking down it, you will have opportunities come to you. Some of them will help boost your application for the next year. Don't give up hope just yet. Even if family is breathing down your neck, explain the volume of applications if you can (everybody came ready to play hardball this time around), and try to give them an alternative plan just in case they don't accept the explanation (e.g. job/temp.job). 

 

Rejection is one of those feelings that can lead to self-doubt and depression. I know it's hard, but I beg you to not let yourself think that you are worth less than before just because of the decisions that come out this, or any other, year. You haven't all of a sudden became dumb or lacking. You're still amazing. It's a feeling that time will heal before your emotions or logic will. You can rationalize it to help the feelings, but really I'm still sore about a 2018 school rejection and audition. It won't make me cry anymore, but I still scrunch my face thinking about it. The only thing you can do to move forward quicker is try to throw yourself into something else/new. You'll make progress, distract yourself, and open new doors for yourself.  

 


Rejection in Relationships

After yet another incredibly long college ramble...

 

Hello, if you've been rejected by a crush or dumped by a partner, you're familiar with this heart-crushing pain. It's different than a dream-crushing pain. This is super intense that you feel to your core. It also comes with the lovely, humiliating feeling of "Oh no, now they know" or "great, now people will pity me" that usually accompanies rejection. I've been rejected A LOT. Sometimes multiple times by the same person (I am persistant. I won my man over in the end btw, but I do not recommend). 

 

My best advice is to find activities you really like. To essentially distract yourself. I just stated this, but if you skipped the college part, rejection mainly heals with time. It may take a really long time to get over this, but one day you'll be there. The trick is dealing with it WHILE you're there. So activities you enjoy are a great way to occupy your mind. 

 

I will say that when you've linked said activities to people you admire, or you do hobbies and everything is grey when it was colorful before (not literally, but you'll know what I mean if you experience this), this is REALLY DIFFICULT. I was a music student and got my heart broken and I kid you not, one note on the piano made me burst into tears. I couldn't listen to music at ALL (which is a huge part of my life btw, like I'm literally studying it still), and it was a problem because I had music theory exams that week. It was a challenge and I had to force myself to do what I never wanted to do in that moment and listen to the things that cut me open further, but I made it. I don't think the lesson is to force yourself through more pain, especially so fresh, but I do believe at one point you will have to face it and push through to reclaim your activities as "yours" and make new memories. At some point, those things you only associated with that person will become things that you associate with your personal peace and strength. Your art or movies or books or trade skill will become your source of escape rather than a cage and you'll be able to look back on a closed chapter on your life rather than find yourself in the middle of the page and . 

 

When you're younger, I think this is a bit more difficult. Middle-high schoolers (elementary to secondary I think for those of you not in the U.S. [side note: lucky es??? "es" here in a loving and affectionate way. It's a mess here rn.]) make such a HUGE deal over who likes who. Yeah, I like love and crushes and got giggly over these things, but I was never like "omg EW I can't believe ____ likes ___ that is SO humiliating". Like honey why? WHY is it a big deal? Why is it embarrassing to be liked by a certain person? What's wrong with that?

 

All of the younger people reading this, I know it may seem like the end of the world at that moment, but once you start your LIFE life, it's not going to matter much. If you're in this position, I'm going to tell you to do something I've never suggested before: Go watch "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" if you haven't already. I'm not a Netflix person, nor do I watch coming of age films, but I think this one is worth it. The embarrassment and taking chances... yeah man that's love in grade school. Enjoy it! Soon you won't be locked in a classroom with your crush every day and you'll have to see them only once a week. Tops. It may leave you in a sad spot, but you'll never again have to wonder what would happen if you had confessed your feelings. Better out than in. 

 

I'm not great with love rejection myself. I go to dark places. I can't breathe or eat or sleep or do the things I love. My heart constantly hurts and my pulse goes crazy. My advice is to eat at least once a day, drink lots of fluids. Treat yourself like you're sick or are recovering from sickness. Do light exercise. Watch things that make you cry and let out your negative emotions. Listen to music that makes tears stream down your face. Compose heart-wrenching songs. Use your tears to book that lead role. Write sad stories and letters where you say hurtful things or kill your main character's love interest. Practice martial arts like war is coming. Carve out that space (if you can) where you can be alone and nobody can see/hear you (IF you can. I am an adult and still struggling to find this). Scream and cry and yell everything. Write angry poetry. Write sad poetry. Draw broken hearts. Allow yourself to break in a way that comforts you. You'll be able to pull yourself together easier. Trying to prevent the breakdown will just delay healing and moving on and condemns you to unresolved feelings. 

 

Do EVERYTHING you can and EVERYTHING the media tries to tell you is childish and cringey. Why? Because when you're hurting and broken, you feel like a child again. There's a beautiful writing piece about aging and how sometimes you feel younger than you are. I sadly cannot find it right now, but it talks about how sometimes it takes a whole year to feel 12 because sometimes you still feel 11. Because you're not just 12, you're also 10 and 11 and 9 and 8. When you sob sometimes you feel 3. I believe the author is Latina... I forget her name and it's making me upset because everybody should read it. When you were little and were hurting you screamed and cried. Allow it. It's human nature and it's far healthier than suppressing it. I've been on the side of self harm and while it can still happen even with release, with release it's a lot easier. 

 

As for more mature relationships, you build a life or plans with somebody and give them your all and then one day... gone. 

 

It's devastating. Most of the advice above still applies. Keeping to work routine won't feel great but it will get you out of bed and you'll go through the motions of functioning even if you're really not feeling it. This is meager offerings but, if you gave all your love and the timing was wrong, or they didn't accept it then... there's not much you can do. You can confidently say that you didn't hold back. It may be a small comfort, but you can rest assured that it was never because of your lack of effort. Giving your all to a person is admirable and sweet. If they do not accept, then I'd say it's just not meant to be, at least not now. 

 

As an unstructured person, it kills me to say this, but routines when you're emotionally distressed can be a saving grace. Remember those moments you couldn't even do the laundry in a day? Or you just moved clean clothes around the bed as you slept, never putting them away? Or staring at the pile of dishes thinking "tomorrow for sure"? It's a difficult time and you can't just "snap" out of it and go back to routine. If there are relapses, so be it. But a little each day. Small tasks. Small goals and self-discipline until you're back to your routine can help bring you back from the brink. 

 

I'm sorry I don't have more to say, to be honest. This type of rejection is sadly just a part of life. I can try to give advice to weather the storm, but nothing takes the sting away quite like time. 


Rejection in Jobs/Careers/Auditions

Can you hear the tears from there??

 

Now, as with college, it's important to note that Covid is DEFINITELY affecting the job market. It won't stay this way forever but a lot of us are going crazy trying to find even minimum wage employment. Everywhere has restricted to "prior experience applicants only". The only ones that aren't are the jobs that kill your body for not enough pay. 

 

Internships have been cut back as well. It was only affecting my year but now that a year my junior is also graduating virtual... I'm so sorry, guys. That makes 2 years of graduates with little to no internship, TA, or work experience. 

 

I have applied to... 6 jobs and went through the full multi-interview process (for RETAIL, not corporate) for 2 of them. I got 1 job that was so bad I quit. I am applying to 3 more this week. Graduate applications and interviews were my focus, so I should be doing more yes, but after these 3 I am running OUT of options. I have to factor in gas money and state lines and time and traffic and weather... not that I'm the only one who has to do that but when you think about it, you're available job net starts shrinking RAPIDLY. I live where everything is a minimum 10-15 minute drive away. If you have to drive 30-40 to work and only make $9.00 an hour, you can't go for a shift less than 6 hours and have it worth your gas, though they'll probably ask you to come in. There are so many damn problems with the economy right now but this travel vs pay one almost takes the damn cake. Right under "entry level" but "2 years experience required". 

 

Aside from that, when you interview, you're slapped with really stupid questions like "why do you want to work here" and "give me an example of a time you...." (worked with teammates, overcame a challenge, etc). It's annoying, makes you nervous, and honestly takes a lot of time for not a lot of pay off. Job applications ask for a resume and then ask you to manually fill out forms with your prior experience. It's RIDICULOUS. 

 

Process aside, I think the job field is where you're going to experience the most rejection, especially if your career is in the arts. This rejection, while irritating and depressing, is arguably the best of the 3 types I've discussed today. While it's not easy to get a job, there is usually always a job available. The problem is that it's never the one you want to do, or it never pays enough so you need TWO jobs to break even at the end of the month and live paycheck to paycheck. But the actual email of "We're sorry but at this time we've elected to not hire you" or " Thank you for applying. Unfortunately, at this time we can not find a place for you at our company... best of luck on your future endeavors" is NOT fun to receive. 

 

The main thought here is that there's always the next place to try, and anywhere from 60-90 days later, you can usually try again, especially if you edited/updated your resume. I am not in the corporate world, but I know that the positions are tricky to get and have all sorts of social minefields. My advice to people who intend to shoot for management in billion dollar companies is to know what the company wants to hear. Research their slogans and core principles or whatever and pander to those in the interview. If you're rejected, that's fine, because there are a TON of other companies, even if you only really liked the one. 

 

For retail, it's similar. It feels really irritating to do research and a cover letter for the lowest position in a retail job or fast food chain, but if you want the job, it's probably going to take that effort. Especially now. Along with corporate, usually there's always another chain down the road or an independent store to try. Rejection from a job that many people mock really REALLY , but don't lose hope!!!!!!!! Try again, and eventually one will stick. We'll all cross our fingers that it's one that you can tolerate for as long as you need to. 

 

For internships... oh boy. It's a bit crushing, isn't it??? Especially if you're still in school and feel the pressure to do it before you graduate. There's an internship spot for everybody, trust me. It may not happen when you think and may not be your first choice, but if you can relate it even slightly to your desired field, you'll be able to use it as experience. It may be rigorous, but apply for as much as you can!! You can do it!!

 

For my fellow artists, particularly performing artists... are you annoyed that all of a sudden everybody magically became a voice actor? Yeah... the flooding of an already competitive market wasn't great for us. But singers, actors, dancers, voice artists, etc: Hang in THERE. Use as many platforms as you can and BRAND yourself. Make your signature and create your gimmick. Grind your auditions. We all LIVE in rejection that far out shadows our successes, but there will always be that one success... that one break out there that's all you need to open bigger and better doors. It's ours for the taking. We deal with losing our dream jobs and roles ALL the time. It's difficult. But it makes the roles we book that much sweeter. It hurts, but dwelling on any one role and getting attached will only grind your progress to a halt. Put the effort into the audition as you would an interview. Make it something that you're proud to put your face or name to, but don't start planning your super star dreams on that one role. If you have what they're looking for, you'll have it. If you don't, you'll get something else. Try not to take it personally and never stop learning about ways to improve your own performance. You WILL get there!

 

It's okay to be sad about the opportunities that you don't get. The rejections will always sting. But as long as you are able to keep moving and keep creating, you WILL be okay. Even if you temporarily stop, you will start again, and you will come back better than before. Reset the plan, reinvent yourself, restart the timer. It's never too late. What is meant to happen in your life WILL happen when it's supposed to. Until then, enjoy the ride! Own your emotions! Learn from your experiences! This is our one life, so fill it with everything ugly and beautiful. You are the only person that can be the purest and best version of yourself, and you get there through both good and bad experiences. We can do this!

 

I hope that somebody out there found this helpful or inspiring! Remember that you are not alone and somebody is there for you. If not me, there are many on here who are incredibly sweet and helpful. Reach out to us and we'll be there! Thank you for reading (yet another) bulky blog post that is at least the size of half of one of my chapters, if not an entire chapter itself.

 


Song Rec

Because my emo self will NOT let it go and I process a lot of things through music, there are definitely a few songs to help you get through hard times, provided you're able to listen. English and Korean list ahead. Multi-genre. You'll notice a distinct feel and I don't have a lot of recent songs on here. It's not going to be to everybody's taste FOR SURE, but I stand by that older songs just hit harder when it comes to life feelings. I always come back to classics despite liking many genres and recent songs. If you've read this far and have your own suggestions, please feel free to share them below! I didn't include all of them because there's simply too many (there's still a lot??????). I love many more genres than these, but these I go to when I feel really low. Most others I go to when I'm feeling better. 

MCR Welcome to the Black Parade. HEAR ME OUT if you don't listen to this genre: It's a good song. It goes through many emotional and musical shifts and by the end I'm ready to cry and fight an army all at once. The lyrics literally say "we'll carry on". I find it pretty motivational. I also played it while mixing powdered sugar with peanut butter for a fudge recipe and it would NOT combine so I had to mix it for like an hour and my hands hurt and so now everytime I see peanut butter I hear "We'll CARR-RRRRRYYYYYYY ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN" in my head and IDK whether to be amused or perplexed. 

Sleeping With Sirens Free Now. It's not as intense as WTTBP^, but I like to listen to it to hear the chorus telling me that I'm free now. With every plan, from college to dating, comes a certain amount of stress and fears. Having a change of plan can be terrifying (esp. if you're like me and don't do well with change), but viewing it as being freed of responsibility is an entirely different and liberating mindset. I highly suggest it as a symbol of emotional release. 

Pierce the Veil Bulletproof Love and Hold on Till May.  I know I'm such a basic emo/screamo biatch, but these 2 are good. This is more relationship drama focused. Bulletproof Love got 13 year old me through a rough summer. "My love for you was bulletproof but you're the one who shot me" STILL hits hard. Hold on Till May I personally am "ehh" on, but it saved my friend's life. There was something there she needed to hear, mainly "Darling, you'll be okay". That quote sat above her bed for years until she moved and IDK if she still puts it there. But the song is right. You WILL be okay.

There's definitely more great songs in this genre, but these are pretty damn famous. If you want to explore more, you'll definitely see them pop up after searching these. Less emo English songs:

Snow Patrol Chasing Cars. It's a classic for a reason. The build toward the end will ALWAYS make me cry if I'm in a mood. 

Coldplay Viva La Vida. Okay so maybe this is less rejection and it's just my age but this song just HITS something ancient and deep about falling from a high place. I listen to it when my plans fall through. 

The Fray How to Save a Life. Another classic. Another probably way too personal. It hits home for me both being the friend the singer is talking about and the actual singer. I always took it as "where did I go wrong?" is a vain question as you've already done all you can.  I pair these three songs^ together btw. Similar playlist vibes.

Obligatory "if I mention those I have to include" The Killers Mr. Brightside. Not.. really rejection, but it's the VIBe, the VIBE. 

Iris The Goo Goo Dolls. You've probably heard this in a movie or meme and either don't care about it or never knew the name. Or you're like me and cling to the 90's and 2000's. (And yes this song was recorded in 97 and released 98 as a movie soundtrack. IDK why google says it's released in 2015). The chorus is something else. It hits hard and goes hard and I will always listen.

Staind It's Been Awhile. MMMMM I debated about this one. This is more like... a self-blame one??? If you put aside the lyrics it carries the "heavy" rejection vibe. If it's too heavy for you I suggest the lighter Hoobastank The Reason is You.  These in particular will definitely not be everybody's go to. 

Led Zeppelin Stairway to Heaven. HAHAHAHA okay, ANOTHER debatable song. The reason I suggest it is because it goes from very unhappy sounding to a gradual build to a very famous rock melody. If you don't like them I am 100% with you, I don't vibe with them much but this song helped when I was pretty low. It's the VIBES. It's also hella overplayed. Not always a go-to, but did you know that EXO's MAMA was definitely inspired by Led Zeppelin's Kashmir? If you listen you'll hear a similar chord progression. When I first heard MAMA it drove me crazy bc I couldn't place the rock song it reminded me of lol. 

Beyonce Halo. I know tiktok took this song and did something with it but it's so inspiring to heal that wound of "not good enough". It has the notes and the lyrics to just speak to your soul and tell you you're enough. 

I really want to include them just bc I like their music but I don't listen to them when I'm upset but they hAVE GOOD SONGS so The Beatles Yesterday soft, hesitant rec. It's emotional and I grew up with them and their music but they made me dance more than cry. 

Debussy Claire de Lune. Surprise, I actually do NOT spend all my time listening to rock as if I'm 38. Whether you chose a cover or the ethereal remix on Youtube, this piece always makes me feel really freakin' okay. Sometimes I sob, but I always feel better by the end, even when I don't feel like listening to it.

Avril Lavigne What the Hell. This is when you start to get over your feelings and start to get into the " you everything I'll show you phase". Probably last on the playlist overall lol. If Avril isn't your style I suggest All American Rejects Gives You Hell. A big go-to. OR, see: Rooney When Did Your Heart Go Missing? Anybody still a little in love with Michael from The Princess Diaries? Just me?

Korean~~~:

BTS Butterfly instrumental/ that whole like 2016 prologue with them goofing off, Rain, and House of Cards. Could I even make a list like this without including the 7 young men who literally pulled me out of suicidal intentions/thoughts and emo music? No. They were a big part of me handling relationship rejection as a young to mid teen. Butterfly was what I needed to hear in that moment. I personally feel BTS is no longer the same group that I fell in love with, so I wished them well and no longer listen, but I owe this song my life. I even presented it to my music class as something they needed to hear and they all loved it. I wear butterflies to this day to remind me. It felt like I was hearing my soul played back to me. Delicate, melancholy, broken, but still beating its wings. That coupled with the haunting sound of House of Cards was just that... remedy I needed. Passion, unsettling harmony... delicious. Rain I feel many new fans may not know, but go and listen and try to tell me that's not a day you're watching it pour on the streets and people running for cover outside while sipping your tea and sadly painting/typing after a lost love. 

I mentioned it earlier so it has to go here EXO MAMA. Love it or hate it, it starts unsettling and takes you though a battlefield with notes you can belt. El Dorado I'll defend this song until I die. It has something I've never heard anywhere else it just feels so hopeless yet hopeful at the same time. Obligatory Baby Don't Cry? EXO's Global Song request Open Arms DOES THIS COUNT AS KOREAN OR ENGLISH I feel like English but their version is uhhh, yeah way better than the original even my mom agreed. Solo songs are great too and I know there was the whole thing with AOA, but Xiumin and Jimin's song Call You Babe ...is not a rejection song but if you ignore some of the lyrics the chords underneath kinda hit. Soft rec. 

Apink Mr. Chu. I can't explain this one it just gives me vibes?????????????????????????????????????????????????????? By the end I get a lot happier. 

Kdrama OST for She Was Pretty Okay, if you like Claire de Lune, the ethereal remix, impressionistic, etc. you have to listen to these tracks. They're all criminally short. Honsetly for a drama I wasn't super fond of, the whole OST soundtrack is decent. Violet Memory    [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnaEyucPAx0&list=OLAK5uy_niW8E6yXQki7y-VuLmPRRjY_Ae6iNDVck&index=17    ] I really feel like that girl in the city alone, you know? Also IDK but it reminds me of looking at the galaxy/stars which I ADORE. I can cry leaning on you   [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuctSCTQp5A&list=OLAK5uy_niW8E6yXQki7y-VuLmPRRjY_Ae6iNDVck&index=18     ]  (I'm including links just in case people cannot find them). IDK but probably my fav [  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7ILuZI17jg&list=PLNhqPVJJ4SkLoCXpyHK_GrbJ5e1EaZ90g&index=2   ]  Entire Playlist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mhvdczayhd8&list=PLNhqPVJJ4SkLoCXpyHK_GrbJ5e1EaZ90g&index=1

Kdrama OST for Cheer Up! Inspiration at it's finest. Cue tears. Hold on There or Whistle Song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oR1ctY7bvpo

Taeyang Eyes Nose Lips. Yeah call me basic but where would society be without this song???? A true classic. 

Does Luhan's Medals fit in here? Technically Mandopop I think, but I rep my man. (JK). This song is always top 5 for me of all time, nothing really sounds like it. Seriously, go give it a listen and just feel how powerful it is. 

THIS LIST IS SO HARD I ASSOCIATE KPOP WITH HAPPY AND IT TAKES AWAY MY EMO MUSIC HABITS

Super Junior Evanesce. 16 year old me SOBBED to this song.  "Don't know why, tell me why" hits hard with rejection, probably most accurate on this ENTIRE LIST. I love it. Love my angsty Super Junior Kings. 

Vixx Error. Those of you who know Vixx knew this had to be on here. GOD they were SO my style at age 14 and to this day I don't get why I was so into their vampire kinda emo ish stuff. Actually no, that just explained it. Eternity is also GREAT and while it's not rejection On and On's lyric "I need therapy, la la la la la therapy" will never NOT make me burst out laughing and sing along FULL force. I should start listening to them again more... 

Okay also not rejection but Taeil Inspiring will forever hit right where it needs to every time. 

Kdrama OST for Oh My Ghostess Park Bo Young Leaving. Hmmm, I sang this once LOL. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8sHocVueQ4

Oneeee more that is actually a soundtrack from a Thai movie... so I should really change the title of this section from "Korean" to like "Generally related to Asia". Link: [    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTthktzj3pg     ]  It's really beautiful and probably more impactful if you watched the movie that it's from (The Overture). 

Last but not least I hum Girl's Day Cupid when I'm sad???? like just really slowly??? I listen to the City Hunter OST for it and remember the sad renditions of it hahaha, but for sure the acoustic is prettier. I feel happy by the end of the song though.

 

 

 

 

 

YEAH so, some of these are spot on emo feels, some are branching out, and some leave you happier???????????????? It's a pretty random list but I tried to vibe match. Seriously, thank you for reading and feel free to add songs below!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

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