gloom

it seems i have abandoned this place for quite some time. i feel bad for my inability to produce some work, and guilty that i have readers who have been waiting for an update. 

i usually keep my personal life very private. but since i have ran out of avenues to speak my mind, i decided to let my thoughts just flow freely here. maybe this can be my little safe space for now.

i've been feeling a little out of character lately. usually i can let things slide, accept them as they are. 

unfortunately i feel like i am sinking a little. 

i have gone through a series of heartbreak. feeling inadequate is something i hate, i hate feeling like i'm not good enough of a partner. but it seems as if each year there's just something that you would find inadequate about me. i try my best to be the bigger person, even when someone almost replaced me, yet i was chided for feeling the way i felt. why did i always have to be the bigger person when the person who overstepped the boundary wasn't me?

maybe being kind brings me nowhere afterall. it only turned me into an option of yours. and even if you would move mountains for me, i still anticipate the day you decide to end this decade long commitment.

if this chapter between us ends, i hope you will remember that while everyone else loved the idea of you, i loved you, for you.

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_gweeen_ #1
i feel that i’m similar in the way you approach things. i think sometimes i mistake passivity and the ability to be overly understanding as kindness. sometimes it’s exactly that. kindness. but other times it’s just a way to justify that the wrong done to us is acceptable — out of love. it’s hard to let go. but i believe at some point you need to realise your true worth too. it’s wrong for others to treat you inadequately just because they know you’ll choose to be kind over expressing how much they have hurt you. maybe it’s time to think more of your self author-nim. maybe it’s time to stop sacrificing yourself out of love. relationships are composed of both highs and lows. right now you’re in a chapter of lows. you’ve always been understanding at the expense of your own feelings. don’t you think it’s time for the other person to do the same for you? i hope you guys work it out. a decade is a long time. i hope you guys get over that hurdle and enter a new a chapter of highs. 💙💙💙
Aizbox #2
I hope you'll feel better soon, and know that— even most of the times it's difficult to convince ourselves— you deserve someone who won't chide you for feeling what you feel, but instead embrace and try to understand it.
x-pink0419 #3
Have a good rest, recharge your brain and realign your priorities and refocus your life. There's never time wasted when you are looking back into yourself when you need to. It's never a 1 to 100 or 100 to 1 instant process. Just relax and spend time with your friends and family and with yourself and you will walk out slowly.
kei1596 #4
It's nice to read your thoughts Author and I hope writing in this small space of yours would ease some pain and would help you stay afloat and going. We will read whatever you feel like writing and honestly, you don't owe us, your readers, anything. I am always thankful for your stories. And most importantly, I wish you a happy life. :)
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