i stole this idea from heclgehog lol and i guess feel free to steal from me too; your goals don't have to be aff-related or writing-related, just goals you have

1. grades

i'm sure most ppl who follow me are aware that i whine about my grades a lot. i just want a 3.0 avg please. even better yet, 3.2. if by some miracle i get 3.5+, i'll fall to the ground and ruin my knees and cry and still not believe in god but that's what i say i'll do (i'm sorry please don't smite me).

2. time management

distantly related to grades. i haven't been managing my time well (i never have) because back then, i never needed to study because i Got Stuff faster than other ppl so i had plenty of time to waste. as you might expect, i'm no longer Smart so i don't have time to waste but i can't break the habit. so i'm going around on 6 hours of sleep max and not paying attention because i want to do other things and also because i physically am unable to. that's smth i have to stop doing.

3. sleep

i think i already said this above but during the school year, the most sleep i get during the week is like 10-12 hours on weekends. during the school week i'm lucky to get 6. last semester i averaged about 4 i think. needless to say, my grades and mental health went slipping down the drain. i just can't turn off my mind, there's some thoughts that keep bouncing around and i can't calm down enough until i'm super super tired.

4. writing

i have so many things i want to write, but i don't have the energy. i took a creative writing class last semester and it was great, i learned a lot, but it also drained me of all motivation and energy to write what i actually want/need to write. so now i have like ten thousand 'plan' documents and zero actual 'writing' documents lol. so let's see what i have to work on...

- [unnamed wayv fantasy]: for pick your poison contest

- [unnamed wayv scifi]: for realm of fantasy contest; some space travelling stuff?

- [unnamed jaehyun x oc]: this was inspired by a dream + some chinese webnovels and i wrote some of it and proceeded to get stuck

- [unnamed nct post-apocalyptic]: also originally for realm of fantasy contest; some city of ember stuff

so yeah everything is unnamed because i haven't actually started writing and also the summaries are vague or nonexistent because idk if i want to change the plans or not and if i do well then maybe everything will change?? anyway.

5. myself

you can probably tell me various things that my mental health is not the greatest rn. i don't sleep well, i whine too much, but i'm also not willing to change myself for success. i want to just succeed as i am right now, and idk if that's the right thing to do but i obviously don't think so. i mean i know what i Should do but i don't Want to do any of it. i want life to suddenly turn around and be like WOW you were always destined to be great! here's a great life without you having to do anything! that's what i want.

i don't want to be perfect, but i want to be perfect. i want to commit a crime or something, i want to fall down and get back up like they do in the movies and books, but it seems like all i do is fall and fall and i never get back up. idk, i want to Do Something with my life instead of just sitting here. i want to feel something other than disgust and loathing and god idk.

anyway, these are not resolutions and i probably won't be able to do anything anyway. i just hope that by writing them down i'll have set some more resolve to do them. whether or not i actually will or can, that's something else lol we won't talk about that now.