life, writing, school... what else do you need?

rest, maybe. and sleep. a lot of sleep.

 

as everyone knows, i love to procrastinate. as everyone also knows, i am a bad student. case in point: it's literally like two days before finals, and instead of studying, instead of doing the hw i have due, i'm writing this.

as everyone also knows, i am a hypocrite who never does anything i say i'll do. i remember clearly it was like, at the beginning-ish of october or smth, i posted smth about how i didn't feel joy in writing on here anymore (or smth) and that i'd be working on an nct battle royale au. well, guess what never happened.

the point is, i'm ed. physically, mentally, and metaphorically. this past saturday, i threw up from pain for the first time in my life. it was genuinely terrifying i thought i was dying, and of course i got nothing done that weekend because i was still out of it (not in as much pain, but totally out of it) on sunday. and my grades ever since college started have been... not great? i mean, i'm passing, but barely enough.

my average sleep is somewhere around 4-5 hours. i take naps during the day but it's not enough, and whenever i sleep i get the most bizarre dreams and of course it's (from my high school level psychology knowledge) brain trying to catch up on rem sleep that i enter rem for a 10 minute nap... 

not to mention that i can't focus at all during the day but then at night when i finally do something i give up because idk how to do anything and it feels like i'm trudging through quicksand to get my brain to turn once.

so all in all, Triple F: ed for finals.

 

regarding writing, it's the same as last time. my writing class has been a lot and i've been writing a lot but i haven't been satisfied with most of the things i've written. i've gotten into nct, planned a bunch of stuff, written down a bunch of ideas in english and chinese, read a lot of chinese webnovels, lost both languages, and have resorted to being a bad writer.

now, i'm mostly trying to get my style back. this happens every time i try to churn out things on deadline, and of course i know it's what i need to do if i want to write for real, but i don't necessarily have the time to write. nor do i have inspiration or patience. nowadays, i'm so impatient and i want everything without working for it. if i could marry rich, boy i would do it in a heartbeat.

i've whined about my jaehyun x oc story enough times in my feed for me to talk about it lol. basically i had a dream one day and jaehyun was in it and i decided to take inspiration from a few chinese webnovels and make it an isekai thing. it's projected to be pretty long, and i'm definitely not going to have it up soon. but i think this will be my true transition into original fiction since, you know, i have to make the oc and all.

i have this baseless ambition to turn everything i write into an original work, but when's that gonna happen? never. haha. 

my next priority is a tvxq x pacific rim story i've started twice and failed both times. i think i get too wrapped up in the details and forget the big picture. i just need to remember that the big picture exists too, and that details are great but sometimes we can, you know, revise for once instead of poring over everything the first time.

 

i think i'm going to pass out and sleep for a week once winter break starts. i genuinely have no clue how i've managed to survive until now. i've already started letting my guard down but there's still a week left. and hw due. and stuff to learn in the day before the final, x3. 

 

anyway, sometimes you just need to write things down to get it out, and that's what this is.

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FormerlyHiking
#1
Oh, I can relate so much. I'm also a procrastinator when it comes to my stories, but congratulations on being able to do something about it.

*Awkwardly glances at my millions of unfinished fics.*