Not many of you may know, but I've had some depression a while back; I never sought out help because that’s just not my character — I'm not one to put myself out there and ask for help. I've had help of course from family members and relatives, and friends, but never professional help, you know? And I've never thought nor considered it before — even now I think the thought of me getting professional help is a little far fetched for my liking as it would make me really, really uncomfortable. 

However, I'm happy now; content and the whole reason for this is because of K-pop — sounds cheesy and clichè I know, but I'm being serious. Family members helped me with things like clearing my mind from my anxieties and negative thoughts, but K-pop was always there to make me smile and laugh. Right now, they're doing the exact same thing; they're making my life brighter with more smiles, more laughs, and more hope in general. Before, I used to think I wouldn't amount to anything, but groups like Seventeen and Stray Kids and Ateez and Bts and many, many others have reassured me that I can do the things I love and I can be something if I choose to be. 

Right now, I am so stressed; school is not what it was like before — there's so many restrictions and so many fights in the corridors from being confined in a little bubble that makes my anxiety peak through the roof. Time is flying past and everytime I want to sit down and stop, time seems to slip out of my fingertips and before I know it, it's the next day. Homework has been madness, teachers are shovelling work onto us and as we're nearing exams and GCSE's, they're trying to cram the information we've missed from the previous year. Students cannot control themselves and the quarantine has made them feel obliged to do whatever they want; it really makes me worried because more and more students are getting harsh slurs and mean things thrown and punched their way. 

School is making me feel so tired; everytime I walk into school it feels like there's a weight pressing down on my shoulders that I cannot rid of no matter how hard I try. I used to love going to school when I was younger; everything felt so surreal and exciting, I enjoyed every single moment and I didn't have any worries. Now, I worry every single time I take a step down the corridor; people are getting worth and students are being ruthless — fights are happening twice as often as they used to and new people that would usually be calm are being thrown into the mix. I don't know what else to do really.

Every time I try and relax, something worries me and despite writing being something I had as a way to escape, it has become a chore instead. I have writers blocker everytime I think about writing; my stories are being put on the back-burner every time I even think about completing them. Songs used to give me inspiration, but all I feel is a dull ache, my fingers itching to right, yet not moving — nothing is the same as it used to be, not even the things that were so familiar and reassuring feel the same. 

So, I guess what I really wanted to say was that I'm taking a few weeks off everything. I'm going to collect myself and try and help myself, let others help me. This is a dark time is the worst, but I won't let it consume me and ruin me! We can get through this together!

♡ Eummie ♡