I am so good at giving advice to other people but my own feelings are a puddled mess and I can't make sense of them most of the time. I used to supress my emotions and I had gotten good at avoiding them but ever since I learned about the INFP personality, I recognized those feelings more frequently and I became more aware if them. There are too many emotions and thoughts but since I'm probably around 80% introverted, there's nowhere I could let them out. Even writing now stresses me out and I stopped doing it.

There is no one to talk to. I have realized it long ago, and then forgot but was again reminded, that when people need me, I would always go out of my way and help them (or listen to them), but when it's me needing someone, there's no one. Everyone's busy. It's not their fault. But then I'm busy, too. At least, I keep myself busy just to stop me from thinking too much. But the thing with avoiding your own thoughts too much is that when the time comes and you don't have any other choice but to stop and think, they rush all at once and it's always overwhelming. Little things that you noticed but decided to put aside will pile up into this big mound of of problem that you can't do anything about.

I just feel crushed and repressed these days. When I feel happy, or want to share something, there's no one to share to. If I do share, no one is happy for me. I try to reach out, but I felt like I'm just always talking about the same thing over and over and people are tired of listening to me. Even I am tired of listening to me. So yeah, everyone's busy. Everyone's too busy for me.

So I'll go back to pretending. No one will notice anyway.