Just a short message :)

A while ago, I logged into my aff account to try and update my fics. And this happened. I kept the tab open for thirty minutes ata(?) but wasn't able to type a single word. Blank lang yung utak ko. I tried putting on some music to get me in the mood of writing and after a few minutes, I was able to start on a draft. But even I, myself wasn't contented and satisfied sa naisulat ko. After two hours and a 2k word content, I decided to save the draft na lang and clicked on the other fic. "baka mas feel ko tong i-update", I thought. But the same thing happened. Naka-1k words lang ako, di pa ko masaya sa naisulat ko. I have the outline of the chapters already. Alam ko yung gusto kong mangyari at gusto kong isulat. I can picture it out in my head but when I try to use words, I think I'm failing(?) Not sure. So I decided to save the draft na lang ulit. Then I started to reread a few of my previous written works. I then started to miss how I write before; the words I use, the dialogues I make for each scene. Then I wondered why it doesn't feel like I'm writing the same way as before? Parang nag-iba? I don't know why but I felt like somehow, I lost the creativity I once had. At first I thought I only lost the motivation, baka tinatamad lang ako. But maybe, one of the reason why I'm so slow in updating my fics nowadays is because I don't think I'm the same writer who started writing that fic. I don't know why. Sa totoo lang. Pero when I'm reading my drafts, there's something missing. I don't think I can make a certain scene/dialogue as heartfelt as I did on my previous works. It doesn't feel the same way as before and it's sad. It really is. I'd like to think na baka phase lang to? Maybe I'll overcome it soon. Ganto din naman ako dati di ba? There are times when I feel too motivated to update kaya sunod sunod. May times naman na I feel tired kaya no updates for weeks. But still, naitutuloy ko. Still, natatapos ko. But now, I'm not so sure anymore. I don't want to leave my fics (TOUCH and KEEPING YOU) unfinished. But if one day, I decide to... advance apologies to those who are reading them. To those who are still waiting, sorry.

Di ko lang talaga maialis minsan. I used to feel proud of how I write. Now, I feel disappointed.

There is a high chance that I stop writing. In aff, I mean. There is a high chance that I abandon all my pending fics there. High chance, but I'm still hoping that this feeling will pass.

Until then, thank you for those who've read them.

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