It's been so long here. To the point I don't even remember people I used to talk to. Idk. Its funny when I read old blogs and feeds. I used to be so naive, wanted to be with everyone. Cared for people who didn't really cared lol. I cared too much, gave away too much, I don't remember why.

I don't know, but when I read it all again ...now, it's like I was trying to belong again. Blend with people, be close to them, as a friend and always have their back and protect them. That who I was originally. When I love people Im like a shield. 

I don't know.... maybe in real life I didnt had much attention and affection on me, I craved it on here.... Everyone was a grown up in my fam... I had no one but me, I was my own teacher,... I overcame, fell... lost... I looked after myself like I was looking after my child.... restricted and protected myself.

But I was weak at some points.

☆▪▪Story of my experience from Ocr 2017▪▪☆

A little effort by anyone and I would turn excited puppy for them. So innocent. I wanna hug my past self. Poor baby.

NOT REALLY that STUPID ME. I would lecture her and tell her to take things easy and be easy on herself and on others. Because nobody needed my protection, they probably saw me as a stupid new user who is clingy af. Lol.

NVM that. I mainly interacted for that plagiarism dude, he probably moved on his life. We all stayed protecting aff lol. So innocent. I remember being all bubbly n happy whenever this site's admin noticed me. 

Please that baby me.

I met so many new people with different backgrounds I wanted discover and know more, blend as much as possible. So many friends I can't keep check on now. Hope they all are happy in their lives and may they succeed in whatever they ever wished for. I kinda miss them and their accounts on my feeds whenever I see it empty. It's seriously so boring without them all.

Do you all remember a group of chaotic and funny friends on here, I remember few of them. Haha funny souls, lol. They probably made me smile so many times. I hope they are happy where ever they are.

But slowly...day by day.. everyone disappeared off this site. Like they never existed. I did too back then.... I needed that. Maybe who ever left needed that too, too many friends, loyalties, expectations, change and hurt an individual.

Some of my fav accounts deactivated.... a bubbly shiny group left. It was pretty much dry after that. 

I remember joining a group in October 2017, remaking one of our own, spamming even though I had to refresh plenty of times to get a msg. Since there was no instant chat. Hahaha I miss them. I used to be funny and active all the time. But it all lasted for a month.

I learned alot, experienced alot from them. 

I remember joining a bts fan art group, sharing art with them. I loved giving and receiving compliments. They were all so cute.

I remember joining a shop and redesigning it, Mic Drop. I worked so hard on it.

And about interactions on here. Oct 2017

You can say it was my first time making online friends and trusting them was pretty hard. Like I wanted to draw a line to not mess up my real life. I had commitments and ambitions in real life so that messed up my virtual life. It was sad. Earlier than 2017 I had online people (cant call them friends) who changed pretty easily everywhere. So probably I had that anxiety kinda trust issues.

People change gradually, I took stuff way too seriously, so naive. And dumb. If I could go back in time, I would ask my to open up and be honest, because people don't really get attached to someone real lol. I was tired of being a persona but not real me, it's not their fault. But mine, I was way too paranoid to trust.

But I swear I remember only good stuff on here. Like I trusted myself to erase the negativity with time. And I did. Im so proud of myself. I think I am a better version of myself these days, legit on high. 

So I hope everyone in safe from covid and are healthy. Because I had happy time here. And even those people with banner competitions I don't even remember but I had time of my life here. ....its more than enough. I did left people on read, but that's not my arrogance. But because, its as long as I could go. Not more than that. Jimminniee had to go, to learn, to change to grow up.

I am relatively a better person now, lot calmer.

With better exposure to the world, I am not leaning on people... but living with my loved ones, I am holding back because no one should lean too much its like breaking others. I now have better sense to understand who is fake and who is not. I am not afraid of people, I need no protection. I was lot mature of my age already but I legit obtained underworld peace or something, My eyes got cleared up I am more sane af wtf. 

Maybe thats my brain puberty or I used more percentage of my brain in a short span. I snapped. Lol Einstein much.

AND

It's Just that this blog is a closure to whatever I experienced and learned here.

I may feel like I miss 2017, but somehow I lost myself back then, changing my priorities and stuff. I hurted myself pretty bad back then. I should have known better but I was... quite dumb lol. Maybe. But I kinda miss old users who were charmingly active in 2017. Hope you all are happy guys, seriously.

Earlier than 2017, I was a really independent strong person, who shunned people, but I swayed here. Idk it was something beautiful about this place. It was attractive, luring me into > HEY MAINTAIN FRIENDSHIP, GET MORE FRIENDS. THEY DESERVE ALL YOUR ATTENTION. PROTECT THEM. BE A BETTER FRIEND.

And when I recently I.....made lots of friends on other apps last year like Instagram. I am close to them but it's nowhere close to what I felt on aff....  But maybe because this place holds a special meaning for me. Maybe bcoz I was too young and vulnerable when I got involved. Its like a childhood memory.

So many of users on here are engraved on my memory forever maybe, or maybe I will forget in future...  But fortunately I recall only the good memories... like a slideshow.

And these days...

like seriously blog sect is almost empty, only big authors promotes stories.

AFF is like a road which was busy when it had popular shops, but when those shops relocated. We all are left with empty roads, Occasionally waving at passer bys.

So,. 

A Special thank you to my friends here. Who made my stay on here as a author/user/person better. Gave me lots of attention and love, treating me like a really close friend they gave me what I always craved of, love.

Hope you get 10x of what you gave me. Always stay happy and smiling.

And Gracie, we weren't really bffs close but you held me in my darkest, I will always remember you. ♡

I apologize to people who I may have hurted here, and readers who were angry for story being left incomplete. I am sorry I swayed but I will complete them, its a promise. My real life is stuck in a way ... like a cliffhanger ... no progress. So I understand what it feels like reading incomplete story. I will do my best completing them all once in for all.

I will be here only for stories and some feeds. Because this blog was me revisiting my past, untold stories, feelings. Like deleting my cachè haha. I can now freshen up ~

So yeah. If you read this blog. Thank you. Bless you. Have a nice day.