I don't even know how to start this. I've spent my whole life being judged for being myself. I could sit here and say, I'm proud of who I am, but I'm not.

And to be honest, I don't know why. I've always struggled with myself, especially through puberty, and now I just feel tired of pretending. 19 year old's, aren't meant to feel like their lives are already over, because of other people.

People in my life, especially my family, are nothing but toxic and arrogant. Nobody really listens to me, and instead of family support, my mum has given up on me and gotten 'carers' to look after me and support me through my life.

I don't think anyone really knows me, and they can't be asked to get to know me. Though, some of my friends are genuine. I can't seem to say anything, without someone having a go at me, and others jumping on the band waggon.

This might seem shady and mean, but, my sister is getting married, for the second time. And I don't believe in marriage, personally, I have nothing against marriage though. But when it comes to my family, I couldn't really give a . I don't think I know how to genuinely care anymore.

I just feel . . . empty. It's 2AM when I'm writting this, because I'm to emotinal to sleep. I love my family, but they're all pretty toxic and fake.

I am aware of the pandemic that's is happening around the world, but at the same time, there are so many people who aren't following restrictions and still getting on with their day to day life, and that's what I want. My life back, along with everyone else who's feeling fed up and lonely at this time. I miss going to classes, and my escape from my family. Even though I'm with my mum and grandad, they're both pretty toxic and I'm pretty lonely here. My mum said I need to stop talking to people online, but whenever I try to talk to her, she basically tells me to off. 

I'm sure, along with many other people, I try to be as posotive as I can, but when nobody really cares, and treats you like a disability instead of a person, you can only take it for so long. I think I upset my freind today, by a misunderstanding and I feel really ty about, though I did apologise. 

Please stay safe where ever you are in the world, and just know that there is someone who cares about you in your life. I'm not going to say anymore, so please stay safe and stay as posotive as you can, even though right now it's hard to be.

Chanbeakshipper