Hello guys, it's been a while, I guess haha. Anyways, I am writing another content after I came across with my old friend's photo (my high school buddy) on my news feed.

I dont know why, but I ended up visiting her profile and saw how she transitioned from being the snotty (not to that extent guys, I'm just exaggerating but you know what I mean! XD) girl that she was to a sophisticated woman that she is now. 

Starting from her profile, came the continuous visiting of my other friends' SNS accounts as well, and I can say that all of them changed,in a good way of course.

Now here's one thing I realized, what changed in me? 

Did I transitioned to become a pretty woman? a sophisticated one? A fighter? Someone who fights for someone's rights? 

Nope, I dont think so.

Now, dont get me wrong, this blog isn't one of those insecurity-filled concepts but let me tell you guys first and it's for you to decide whether I'm being insecure or not, I'm not fighting you, haha!

First, just like these old friends, I have my dreams. Dreams that are much bigger than me as a little girl. During my second grade, I came across this big university in the television and my father told me that only intelligent people would be able to get in there. 

I've told you this before already, I'm a consistent honor student so this newfound information intrigued me. As you may know just now, I'm someone who loves challenge. I may not win but I love participating and doing my best in competitions.

I was only eight at that time, but I already engraved this dream in my brain and was holding onto it for the longest time. 

Came the time when I needed to choose the universities to study at. Of course, I applied for my dream university and luckily got accepted. However, circumstances forbid me from successfully getting admitted to my dream school TT^TT.

I remember crying over this for three weeks, who wouldn't right? when your long dream crumbled down as easy as 1,2,3. 

Crying for three weeks, maybe the rule of 3's (like the three-month rule XD) actually works because heck, after three weeks, I realized I need to get back up again. So, I applied for another school with the course that my mother dreams for me. At that time, I kept on telling myself that my goal was to finish my studies with the highest recognition to prove to myself that I deserve that spot in my dream university. 

However, that never happened XD. I was supposed to be on my second year in college when I stopped (which was just last year, BTW) because of financial problems, and just focused on working my off to provide for my family. 

I don't do gimmicks on a Friday night, I don't travel like most people my age does and I don't buy things for myself (I always thought they're a waste of money).

People could say that I'm not living my life to the fullest and I won't hate them for it. Actually, in a way, they're right. 

I wanted to do a lot of things but I can't, the budget, the situation and everything seems to be out of place. I am living my life in monotone and I'm getting used to it day by day. 

But there's one realization for this thing; I'm alive and experiencing life like how a normal human being would, and I'm thankful for it. 

I may not be able to live my life to the fullest for the last twenty-one years, but I'm on my way to becoming a better version of myself. 

So, I hope things will finally fall in place little by little 

:') I'm crying but I'm happy. 

To commemorate this blog (hahhahaha XD), here's a poem for my self and anyone else's who's feeling the same. 

We're on our way, dont sweat it out too much ♥

 

I'm on my Way
by: laidbacknewbie

Lying down under the starry night,
Cool breeze kissing my skin.
I kept on asking myself,
have I been a meaningful existence on earth?

Scrolling through my cellphone,
Seeing huge smiles and cheery faces.
I can't help but wonder,
Am I living my life to the fullest just like them?

While they enjoy the ride,
I kept on searching where I belong.
While they were welcomed by many,
I was always being pushed away. 

Should I just disappear?
Should I just fade?
When was the last time I laughed genuinely?
When was the last time I was only me?

I am nowhere near perfect,
I wasn't even near good.
But I'm trying, I'm on my way
To become the better me.

Rather than complaining,
I'd rather be thankful.
Thankful that I'm alive,
and experiencing a lot of things. 

I'm thankful to be wandering around the globe,
Looking for where I belong.
I'm thankful to be pushed away by people,
and learn the emotion they call pain.

I'm thankful to know how it felt to be sad,
Thankful to know I'm not fine.
All these I could use, to make me
All these I could use to shape me.

And before I know it, I'm sure
I'm smiling brighter than now,
And live my life to the fullest of the full. 

But for now, I'm trying.
I'm not there yet,
But I'm on my way.

There, that wraps it up haha, hope you guys liked it and got inspired, until the next time~

laidbacknewbie