To be honest, this has been on my mind for a long time. But I am thinking to leave the fandom. It hasn't made me happy for some time already and it is in fact making me feel resentful, angry and hateful all the time. I used to idolise SJ because it made me happier. But, now, it does nothing for me. I have made friends that I cherish because of the fandom but the fandom and SJ don't actually give me the same kind of fulfillment anymore. 

Once upon a time where I have an altar/shrine just for SJ stuff, today, I took them almost everything down and kept them in a box. Only photocards and some pictures left on display on my shelf. 
Once upon a time, I could listen to SJ songs all day long, everyday. Recently, I can't stand their songs anymore and remove them from my daily playlist. 
Once upon a time, I look forward to all their shows, hunt down English sub videos, follow them closely. Now, I just couldn't be bothered and if I miss one, I don't feel any sense of loss. 
Once upon a time, SJ fanfics is the reason I started writing. But, now, not one single fanfic can attract my interest anymore. 

No doubt, SJ has left an impact in my life, and I have learned a lot about myself and I grew as a person because of SJ. This is a fact and nothing can change it. Somewhere inside of me, SJ will be my everlasting oppa even when one day they turn 80. If any time at all, some of my fandom friends want to meet up and invite me out, I will go even if it's all about SJ. I may not actively fangirl over them anymore but, I don't hate them nor do I ever want to see anything bad happen to them. 
Maybe it is a phase of life, maybe it is me. I don't know. 
A wise man once said, "once we identify OUR WHY, then our actions have powerful purpose". The fact is, I no longer know what is my "WHY" for being in the fandom or following SJ anymore. I don't even owe it to SJ or the fandom to explain why I wanna walk away. I can just walk away and pretend all this never happened. But, I do have friends here and for them, I at least need to say something. I am sorry I will no longer be part of this journey. 

This is Kelly signing out. Thank you and goodbye.