(sorry not sure why everything is bold I can't fix it)

Hi my dear readers, are there any of you left at this point? I hope you’re all doing well.

So, the big question here: Where the actual heck have I been?

The answer, my dear readers, is both easy but also bitter to admit. Truth is, I’ve just been busy (not a new thing there, you’ve probably all heard that one before about a billion times). Life came and kicked down my door in various ways and took my hand to go on a journey that I am mostly kind of unprepared for. But that isn’t the hard part, nah that’s the easy part to admit. The hard part to admit, is just, welp….kpop didn’t mean as much to me as it used to.

It all really did start when BTS released Her. Yeah, it’s been that long. Anyway,  that’s kind of when it all began to lose me. I’ve been on Twitter since 2017 (not a really long time in reality but stick with me for a bit) and I began there for kpop. And I’ll be completely honest, it was a lot of fun. I met some great people there and have had some great experiences. But, well, as we all know, Twitter can get incredibly toxic. Unhealthily so. And that, that is what really got me.

I love EXO, EXO is my ultimate group with Junmyeon being my ultimate bias. They are the group I go to when I just want some good music or to watch funny videos of. They mean so much to me, and I’m so proud of them and happy to be a fan of them despite all the stuff they’ve been through and continue to go through.

That being said, seeing the stuff on Twitter, the fanwars and the slander, it slowly made me slowly just not want to be associated with those types of people.

Now, as we all know, it’s not ALL of the people there. No, of course it’s not. Most people are really just nice and chill. But, again as we all know, it’s those more nasty people who’re the loudest. And boy did their noise start to drive me away.

I just got sick of it. I got sick of seeing the group I loved being slandered. Of people fighting over the smallest and dumbest of things. Of people fighting for what seemed to be purely for bragging rights. I hated it, and it frustrated me, and slowly, kpop became less about being fun and more about who could stream the most and who got the most awards and just stuff that only works as ammo for toxic fans to throw at people.

I hated it, and I slowly just stopped bothering with kpop. There were also more and more new groups coming out, and while I have nothing really against them (I view them in a purely neutral light) I got exhausted of trying to keep up and I just didn’t care. I didn’t care about the new group that would debut. I didn’t care about the industry breaking into the western music world, I didn’t care about who did it first or who has the strongest influence, I just couldn’t bring myself to care. I was just there to have fun and listen to good music, but apparently kpop stan twitter decided that that wasn’t the way things would be going anymore.

So, where does this long rambling take me? Well, it takes me to this point. There are groups I’ll always love, and there are memories I’ll never forget and that I’ll hold close. But I’ve reached the point where the passion I had to write for these stories is at the best very dim. And it , I really hate it. I love these stories, and I really want to see them to the end, I want to be able to edit my completed works to make them better. But the truth is, it’s hard for me to find the motivation to do so even when I have time to. I hate it, and it’s a hard pill to swallow, but I feel like I have to say it both to myself so I can rationalize it, and to you, my dear readers, who have been waiting for so, so, so damn long. And for that, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’ve been gone for so long. I’m sorry you’ve been waiting for so long. I’m sorry that it took so long for me to give you guys the information you deserve. I can’t apologize enough, and I hope that at the very least, you can somewhat understand where I’m coming from.

So, the other bitter truth here: the stories I have up, I’m putting them as unlisted. No one will be able to read them, and their summaries will be changed to direct readers here or to warn them that the story is in a state where updates will be slow. I hate having to do it, but it’s the least I can do to give people a fair warning of what the actual hell is going on. I’ll be working on one thing at a time instead of leaving myself a million things to work on at once. It’s gonna be a way for me to try and fix everything up as MANY of the stories desperately need rewrites. I’m not sure if any will be deleted, some might be, but that’s up in the air.

The only story I’ll be keeping up for now is Finding Home  as that is the one I really want to write and finish, it means a lot to me. That being said, that thing is getting a TOTAL rewrite, it desperately needs one.

To end this long rambling, the stories will have their chapters hidden, and Finding Home is going to have a huge revamp. Thank you for sticking with me for this long and being this patient with me, it means a lot. If you want to leave me in the dust and spit upon my name, I understand completely. But if you want to stick with me, then you have my eternal gratitude. Thank you all so much, and I’ll hopefully see you soon. TAKE CARE, BE SMART!

- Xiao_Lulu