so things have been piling up and i just talked to my current departmental advisor and he was like 'yeah so um this might be uncomfortable' and i went 'ah yes he's gonna talk about my ass grades' and he did. and he like lowkey implied that i should either get my together or find another major, and i'm sure he didn't mean it in a mean way but like, it still hurt. because idk like i can't say anything about my mental health since it's not as bad as junior year but i just feel stuck. like i'm giving it all i can even though it's not my best but i don't think i can give anymore.

and it just. i shed tears over my predicament right now. and it's not like he's telling me i have the potential, he's telling me i have to get my together like right the now. and that's even worse because it means i got no potential lol. and the thing is like, i'm arguably doing the worst in physics rn but it's not like i can focus only on that class and fail the other classes. so i mean, i just have such bad time and schedule management.

like i coukd talk about how it comes from being a Former Gifted Kid who never learned how to study but in the end it's just my fault. i could have learned, i could have put in the effort, i could be doing more, like actually studying and doing my homework instead of writing this blog post. i have homework due tonight that i haven't finished. but... i don't know, i just don't want to do anything. i want to listen to changmin talk about how he's a little lonely and man, Lie strikes deep because i haven't read the lyrics yet but as expected, it's changmin's songs that resonate with me the most ;; music style and all.

review of chocolate below:

- organized by order of songs

speaking of changmin's album, wow is it what i did not expect but also not surprised. the songs suit him, they really do, and my shock when shim changmin bust out those moves in chocolate??? unsurpassed. i didn't know what i expected from shim chwang but i love how they have the whole water!chwang and fire!yun thing going LOL. it's obv not meant to be a parallel to follow but that's the only thing i could think of like ??? wow water and fire, yun's being persecuted or smth and changmin got shot at, cars and motorcycles, yeah yeah, all that. i think chocolate really did show changmin's versatility ;; when you think changmin, you think ballads, and tbh i thought it was going to be a ballad too. but soft comeback it was not, and i'm so glad changmin's getting recognition as a dancer too ;;;;

lie features chungha, and it is my second favorite song on the album. again, i haven't read the lyrics but 'i'm a little lonely' struck so deep into my heart. the instrumentals are beautiful and idk just like, there's a lot i could say about this song. like, it sort of reminds me of 'in the air' by shinhwa ft yoon mirae, which is also a whole bop. changmin really showed off his lower/middle register with this album and i love that so much. lie is like... the right balance of light and airy with smooth and silky? and it's like, it makes me Feel Emotions, you know? 

i didn't actually like high heels too much. it's just not my style of song, you know? ofc his voice is great and pulls off the genre well ;; as expected from shim chwang lol but the song's not the kind of song i'd listen to voluntarily. in the album or in general. one thing i will say, though, is that he does really ing pull off the smooth concept well ;;; i can def see this as a dance song and it seems like changmin's sort of dance LOL less sharp and synchronize, more soft and flirty. flirty is the perfect word for this song tbh and it's So Very Changmin that i don't have anything else to say about it.

me myself and i... the song that Nearly Made Me Cry but instead made me laugh when he started with 'i'm so fricking over you'. in all honesty, if i read the lyrics to this song, i'd probably feel sad and cry, if i wasn't done crying. i listened to this song trying not to cry over my incompetency and it really did nearly make me cry. this song is Very Changmin. it feels like the kind of song that's perfect for playing in the background when you're up late at night drinking wine and looking out your window at the city lights - which is what he does lmao, as per 2018's i live alone. yes, very very shim chwang indeed, and i'm very here for it. it makes me feel Good Inside, which is everything i'd expect from this man.

oh lol i think piano probably came before mm&i but oh well here we go. this song. is. my. JAM. it's the song that played in mood sampler #2 that i could not ing stop humming and i probably annoyed my parents to no end. it's such a y song but different from yun's sort of y. it's like, dark and mysterious with a very clear hint of Flirt. whereas yun's more low and sultry, this song is like, Dirty with a capital D lmao. haha innuendos in innuendos. anyway yes this song is my favorite in this entire album and i want to put it on loop until i get sick of it but i treasure it too much to do that. the beat just like, hits into my mind and it's addicting. i like comparing this song to city lights because like, both have sort of light piano over strong beats and it's SO addicting i can't stop listening to it.

no tomorrow. changmin wrote the lyrics to this song and it's, again, a Very Changmin song. it's the kind of song that i expected from, like what i thought the whole album would be like LOL. i haven't read the lyrics to any of these songs but this sounds like a hella uplifting song and i mean, idk it feels like he's trying to convey a positive message here. which is also very Chwang of him lol. and tbh maybe i was already feeling better before listening to this song but this is the song that really made me stop feeling so bad. i mean, i can't feel bad after listening to this song ;;; it lowkey reminds me of road? not really, but it gives me the same feel, of standing in a wide-open field with the wind rushing past and in that moment, it feels like life will be okay.

tl;dr: i recommend, based on my preferences, piano and no tomorrow.

in very conclusion: my life because i am incompetent and maybe mentally sick of things, but changmin's album is pure gold (i didn't even like jung yunho's album so much, and the man is my entire life and soul!) and you should definitely listen to it, or at least the two songs i recommended because i'm an arrogant who loves shoving my opinions onto other people. also please give me advice if you can because idk what to do with my failure of a life.