...is my thought after taking the mbti personality test just now....i mean, i've taken a short ver of this many years ago on my fav fun quiz site...but lately i keep seeing kpop idols taking this test and sharing their results so i thought maybe i ought to take from a different site and test if my results from few years back remain...

and when i got my result...it stated how many percentage of people have that same result...and it made me realize that i kinda looked forward to know it too...and that brings to the question....

does being rare matters? our hypocritical side will say 'of course not' and follows with cliche perfect explanations i don't even want to waste my time on making examples of...we all know those people...they be living inside of us...

but deep down...we take pride in being rare don't we? cmon...let's face it....we're more excited to share the result when we're rare...compared to when we're the most common....don't we? okay...let's not pretend the tags/datas of what's being shared doesn't confirm that....:p

but does being rare ultimately means we're thaaat good....sometimes or rather, most time....you could be the rare type cuz it's so bad that it couldn've have been common or world destruction....unless, the bad ones are really the common ones now...which won't be surprising....or the cliche answer would be that it's not about good or bad and everyone's special and blabla....true, everyone's good and bad at the same time...we have both sides...even if we won't acknowledge some or most traits of our own....which is why i find it ridiculous when we're asked to describe our values, good or bad side and what not....it's kinda cringe...honestly....how many of us think we're being honest to ourself...while intentionally or not, rejecting/not acknowledging sides of us that we'd rather not acknowledge...

have you ever think that?

and yet...here i am...taking one of those personality tests that does just that. lol.

honestly, i prefer those light fun quizzes at blogthings that don't try to get too detailed into my personality....so called...at least choosing my fav food or places to visit or colours are much better than telling me to rank my virtues and whatnot...

tbh...i can describe my own personality well, from first person pov....but it's quite interesting to be told from third person pov....yet, like a third person who stalked my actual life, mind, heart. it's kinda creepy. but i guess i prefer when personality tests get it right than wrong...but at the same time....i do have my doubts...that we tend to lean towards agreeing and associating with our results when it sounds sympathetic and favourable....idk what kinda personality type this is...but i tend to be very doubting and suspicious of everything...well, this is one thing the world and my experiences and observations have taught me well.

deep down, i want to be rare...i know that to an extent, i surely am, and no matter how many people say they have same mind and thoughts with me, it really ain't the same. to be fair, that doesn't make either of us less 'rare'...just differences. but when the quiz results don't indicate that i'm rare...i'm a little disappointed, no matter how dumb it is, and i know it. lol.

and i wonder....for some...the pursuit of being rare....might lead us to not be truthful....because deep down...we know which answer will be the cooler/rarer ones....eh....people might deny....but trying to claim pure n perfect imo...is kinda fake....not saying being pure/good is fake...but cmon....if everyone out there are as they claim...how come jerk people are so damn common...things just don't add up....we express/describe ourselves the way we want to believe we are...the ideal ver of us...even if we describe it as 'not ideal/perfect'....the we underneath....is not entirely the same as the we, we confidently describe to the world, and to personality tests...

well, whatever it is...we are what we are...not what quizzes/test tells us no matter how hard it hits....it's calculated possibilities/'coincidence'....not undisputable truth...and how common/rare we are can't be measured by these datas/statistics from internet...screw you, i refuse to accept i'm not rare lmao....

anyway, so here's my not so rare...result...haha....of test taken, spurred by seeing too many kpop idols showing off their results...huh...

https://www.16personalities.com/infp-personality

i'm apparently INFP-T... which is quite surprising...since i always think i'm more of a thinking person....well...i feel too...but i always thought i'm quite balanced...and my result in blogthing many years ago said i'm 'thinking' too...so....yeah...i guess i evolved? or....idk....

https://www.16personalities.com/articles/assertive-mediator-infp-a-vs-turbulent-mediator-infp-t

the differences actually hits me quite hard whether it is the reality...or just my inner self consciousness speaking...i'm quite...hmm...surprised...or terrified of having my inner mind/behaviour being stalked by some random quiz....yikes...

as for this part: First and foremost is seemingly every Mediators’ dream growing up – to become an author.

lol....how'd ya know? (or isn't it everyone's in aff's dream?) well...i wouldn't say it's my dream growing up...maybe a dream that spurred from the satisfaction of writing from my teenage days...when the whole class was forced to join essay writing competition and i actually wrote with quite enough passion and care to win the competition or when i completed essay homeworks worth of 2 weeks in one night, and the teacher didn't notice it because despite the limited time i had....i still put a lot of care in writing them....? lately my sis has been encouraging me to actually pursue my passion actively...though i have too much self doubt and laziness that it's not going as smoothly as it should....but i'm trying...i want to try...i want to achieve something in this world....especially when i know i damn deserve to in terms of abilities, compared to many who actually has achieved great things...with perhaps less talents/abilities/originality but surely more effort and determination...

of course, some of the things in the result...i disagree...and i definitely don't see people as good.../snort/....i mean, i do try to find the good in people...because only that keeps me sane having to bear with them...but that's saying how i actually see people...and i definitely won't call myself 'kind' more than the degree of kindness you need to deserve to even be called human...

well....there are a lot of parts that actually hit me though....the end actually almost made me teared up a bit...lol....

i want to change...as in....actually taking actions to change rather than just saying....but i'm not sure if i'll eventually do so...but i can't give up....or i'm doomed...i may sound arrogant at times....but i don't have much confidence...even though i kinda do...deep down....eh...it's complicated...and also, u i also probly appear this way bcuz i'm able to shamelessly admit to the less than ideal side of me that some/many won't admit to have

but one thing i wonder is...how we answer the quiz depends on our mentality resulted from our current state...doesn't it mean our answers and results can change depend on which side/part we're at in the wheel of life?

surprisingly, i took back the quiz i took at blogthings...back then i got INTP....and now...

https://www.blogthings.com/howrareisyourpersonalityquiz/results/?result=INTP

still the same one....ohhh....interesting....

at least...only the part of thinking vs feeling is conflicting....i always thought i'm a little judgmental though then i'd judge myself for being judgmental too...

well....gotta cut it off now from wasting more time on writing random blogposts and more on actually taking another small step towards making a difference in my life that has been swirling down for too long since my better years back in schooldays probly...which tbh...wasn't that good either...lol.

now that i think of it....i missed playing blogthings quizzes too...omg...i've always wanted to take them and shared results with people to just see different results of people...but back then when i posted probly hundreds of the results here, hardly anyone wants to share theirs too...haha...