Firstly…

I’m so very sorry for disappearing just like that. Those who had been following me on Twitter days prior to my deactivation knew more or less what I was going through. But I realised that some of you don’t follow me on my personal fangirl twitter and hence were left confused and disappointed when you couldn’t find my fics anymore. I really didn’t mean to cause so much chaos and confusion — I didn’t think it would make such a great impact. I should have made an announcement of some sort, but I was just in a bad place and couldn’t take it anymore. And the best thing I could do for myself at that point of time was to deactivate and take a break from AFF. I’m sorry for scaring you guys like that.

Now…

I’m going to briefly explain my disappearance because I feel like I owe most of you this. Some of you may know that I put myself at quite a distance when it comes to meeting new people or making friends or even just talking. I don’t like sharing much about myself because I feel like it’s not important. But I think this — my decision to deactivate vanillasushi — is something I have to talk about openly.

Readers of mine (and maybe even NON-readers of mine) know that I write many fics, and among the many, I write some really… forbidden and morally wrong genres. I know that although it’s in my free will to write whatever I want, there are also some things that can be shared and some things that should just stay unknown to the world. However, I just thought to myself when I created those fics was that this is AFF, somewhere we post fiction and even our guilty pleasures. I mean, there’s a reason why we don’t use AFF like a diary and write about our days. But with that said, I did and do not wish for me, or anyone who read or reads these disagreeable fics to experience anything like what I’ve written. What I wrote were simply to satisfy my sick kinks, which I am very guilty of. They were never meant to harm anyone, or to even encourage anyone to pursue such relationships. And I thought it was clear since fiction is what this site is all about…

Of course, I knew writing such genres would cost me some distasteful remarks. And I was ready for it — if people were nice about it. And it was fine at first. People on AFF who weren’t happy with such stories being written were polite in just steering clear of my pieces and not engaging with me. And I was perfectly fine with that.

However, some people were very vocal about their dislike for my fics. And that’s okay. I was okay with it. That was until I realised some people who are attacking my personality for my choice in genres (which I totally get) or for indefinable reasons, are still reading my fics. I couldn’t wrap my head around that because 1) if my personality rub you the wrong way, or 2) you don’t like what I’ve written, then don’t read any of my stories at all. Because I don’t like knowing that someone who dislikes me as a person, or the things I write, is still somehow shadowing whatever I’m writing.

Anyway, at that time I found out I was being cyber bullied by a small group of people, I tried to ignore everything. I even stopped replying to comments, if you guys realised, just so people don’t get more glimpses into my personality. But anons on CuriousCat were stirring too; my end and the bullies’. So I decided to fold my twitter account, and that was when I found a nasty comment on one of the bullies’ end about how my absence is a winning gain to them. It was the last straw and that was when I decided to deactivate my AFF account as well.

I’m not going to name names, because that will only cause nothing but trouble. And as much as I hated what I had to go through because of them, I don’t want them to go through the same thing. So I’m going to just leave as this, TL;DR:

I was bullied into deactivating.

I want anyone who reads this to reflect on whether you have something against me as a person or writer. If you do, please unfollow me and unsubscribe from my stories.

I’m not going to go into details of the bullying because it is the past and I would like to leave it as that.

But I’m feeling better now hence my return! So don't worry about me anymore.

Lastly…

I will not be making any new stories here. I will, however, try to finish my ongoing fics. But for any new stories, they will not be written here.

This is something new that I’ve thought about. So I will be writing my new stories in a Google doc where it will be non-shareable and non-downloadable. I will be making a form for people who want to read my stories, and from there I will choose whether or not to share my stories. I know it might sound unfair but this is to protect myself.

I will also be taking donations through ko-fi, if you’d like to support me. You don’t have to, it’s not mandatory! But I think as a bonus, I might give these supporters sure access to read the story, without having to go through a screening process.

I’ll post the link up another time when I’m ready. I still have to think about how to improve this system and how to actually go about doing it. So don’t worry about it yet!

Anyways, this is it on why I left for a bit. I hope you guys understand, and I’m sorry if I caused any of you troubles. I really appreciate all the love and support you guys have been giving me through and through. I really don’t deserve it all. You guys are amazing and I really am very grateful to you all.

I wish all of you a blessed merry christmas and a happy new year. May our new year be filled with lots of love, happiness, and EXO!!! ♡♡♡ I hope you guys like the Christmas present!

xoxo

Cara

(Also... for those of you who know about this plagiarising issue I’m facing… That is the reason why I’m reactivating early. I want to fix the problem and I just can’t sit here idly knowing they’re shamelessly claiming what I’ve written as theirs. It hurts and angers me as a writer. I will be reporting them and their stories, and hopefully make their readers realise that their “stories” are not their original work.)