-Looks at last post date- 

-Looks at current date-

-Sighs-

Well, hello there loveliesss, it’s been awhile! I’m posting this blog to kind of explain my disappearance. 

I won’t sugarcoat that after finishing More than Meets the Eye, I…really dropped into a very bad depressive state. For months I couldn’t really find the will to write or do much than get up and try to get through the day. The summer was…stressful at home. It’s not for the lack of trying, mind you. I went stretches of not writing, I’d write maybe a page and then just lose my motivation all over again. 

I really lost control of my anxiety and I let the depression I’ve been struggling to beat for over 14 years grasp at me again. I would come up with angsty ideas, I’d rant and complain to my editor and best friend and beg for my mind to just work. I lost focus at work, I’d have nights where I’d just cry because I felt so numb and so stressed out. I was fighting against gaining weight and finding a cycle of medication that would work. I was struggling to find my place at work, or find a therapist that would actually not be condescending to me. I was struggling with family, with maintaining my relationship with my husband and my parents and everyone in my life. 

I lost any faith in myself. I was convinced my writing was horrible. I was convinced I was stupid, that I wasn’t worth anything. That I couldn’t write anything worth reading. That I didn’t need to exist. At that time, I felt like I had no control over my life anymore. 

And in September, I became suicidal again. I really let the stress of everything at home and at work and finances and life get to me. My husband said I was swinging between being insanely emotional and having meltdowns to being just manic and emotionless and numb. I got to the point where I was tempted to just let my car go and drive off of a cliff. I was tempted by past plans of suicide. In the past, I’ve attempted. I almost succeeded a few times. 

And it’s a really ty feeling to find yourself down in the hole again, begging and screaming to get out, only to find yourself alone, in the hole that you put yourself in. 

This time though, my husband, my best friend and my parents pulled me back from the ledge I desperately wanted to jump off of. 

So….where does this leave me now? Well, things have gotten…better. I’m on a medication routine that has calmed me and gave me a bit of balance. I’ve been decluttering my materials to feel more free. I’m trying to be more positive and work on myself. 

I haven’t given up on writing. I know it doesn’t show since I’ve posted nothing, but I haven’t. I’m still here, and I’m trying to find my headspace again. I’m asking for patience. Trust me, my best friend reminds me daily that I have the ability to write. She’s gotten me through a ton of stress these past few months. 

I don’t know when I’ll start posting again. I’m still trying to find my rhythm and my creative side once more. But I do want you all to know that I’m here, still trying and not giving up. 

Thank you all for your warm kindness, subs, comments, likes and so on. They mean the world to me. Thank you all for always being so patient with me when I struggle or just become nonexistent for weeks or months. I’m hoping to push through and finish some stories and hopefully start a new one. 

As always, thanks for listening to my rambling. I’m still here, thankfully and always appreciate the support from each and every one of you. 

-Moonie <333