I’m devasted.

Sulli had been a huge part of my being a kpop stan as F(x) was my second girl group that I’ve discovered and loved. I’ll always remember her by her smiles and by her courage to face every day that seemed to be throwing hell to her. I won’t say I’ve kept track of all her activities after she left the group but a part of me was always worried for her because depression could clearly be seen as the years went by. She was bullied too much and never received help when she needed it the most, when she actually asked for it. How can the world be cruel to such a lovely girl who just wanted to live with big dreams ahead of her?

I don’t know if I should hope anymore that something will change. People will apologize, show lamentation and share their regrets but then what? Most of them have been the ones judging, ignoring and calling idols out because of their so called standards. Then it’ll go back to how they’ll find someone else to put their interest into hurting again intentionally or even unconsciously. Idols never seem to get what they deserve just because netizens and other people think first of what they deserve for stanning and following particular artists.

Idols are also human but most people forget that. They’re not immune to being hurt. Their smiles have been perfected and plastered on their faces but don’t ever think they’re completely happy. They’ve been branded different titles, good or bad, and particular images have been forced on them. Do we even really know them or try to know them? Try to understand what they feel and going through? Do we really even care as much as we proclaim we do when the signs of their struggles are there and yet... nothing?

I’m not one to brag how much I love the artists I stan nor do I think will I be able to prove that. But please remember to treasure and settle with the things and choices that made your loved ones happy. People grow and whether we like it or not, for better or for worse, they won’t really stay the same as the first day they came into your life. Love them, cherish them and support them even when it simply means staying quiet when a change in them is something you’re not in favor of. Even when it simply means always finding ways to encourage them to get rest and wake up for a new day to start all over again.

I may have know the first signs of depression. I may have experienced it too. I don’t even know how to explain it but there are down days and in those times negative thoughts don’t seem so bad at all. It’s not something you bring up during dinner with family or a topic you’ll easily choose when chatting with friends. But it doesn’t hurt to let someone hear you out. It won’t damage you even more when you let yourself cry it out like a little child with someone you trust. Don’t lock yourself up in a room and keep trying to find your fault or what part of you had gone wrong. Don’t let the darkness consume you even when it’s as if the light barely touches you anyway.

It’s not easy, I know. It doesn’t seem simple, yes I know. But it won’t hurt to try and try.

So please if anyone ever feels like you just need someone. Not really one to hear advices from or to even solve your problems but someone you can share your thoughts and feelings... I’m here for you. I’m not a shrink nor do I have a license in counseling. I don’t even think I’m good with words. But if you need someone, I just want you to know you’re not alone. We’ve all been there at some point in life. 

So whoever’s reading this... I may not know you personally but I’m here for you if you ever need anyone. Don’t give up. There’s always more to life.