Helloooo Faaaam! <3

I really missed you guys!

You're catching me at a time when I'm taking control of my life and it feels really liberating. Oh, man. Where do I even start? SOOOO many things have happened to me, and to the people around me. You all know that I struggle with depression and for those of you who are unfortunately familiar with the feeling, you'll know that this is a day-to-day thing... And that's exhausting in itself. But on top of that, I got some bad news about my health. My life had an extreme overhaul... Like... I can't even. I feel like a completely different person. There are days when I don't even recognize my life anymore! Hahaha! And with all that going on, I really didn't have any outlets for what I was feeling. I mostly kept my feelings really bottled up tightly, and no one would really ask anyway...? It was really frustrating. You know when you're so desperately tired and weary, but you can't ask for sanctuary because you still have to comfort those around you? That was me. Haha! I really neglected myself. For a while, I'd been feeling burdened and just really negative with everything that's been going on. But I've finally decided that I need this time to focus on self-care--improving myself, cutting certain things off that I'm not ready to maintain, making sure that I'm strong emotionally and physically... I just generally need to be stronger. There was a time that I felt like I lost my voice. And because people around me were also hurting, I didn't give myself permission to think of my own well-being even if it's really, REALLY crucial right now. Then my birthday happened and I had one of the best days without the thing that I had convinced myself to hold onto and I realized... Hey... Even if my circumstances , I can be happy. It's possible. I don't need to wallow. I have the right to chase happiness too. So now, I'm being kinder to myself... Knowing what I deserve and not being shy with asking for it... Just generally getting back in tune with what gives me joy. And guess what? I remembered that writing gives me so much joy. 

So, here we are!

I dove head-first into writing updates and there are a few things that I'm getting ready to put up:

1. Fearless - I know that I promised updates in groups of five chapters, but I really feel that with the way the story is going to go, the fifth chapter in this update is best grouped with the next five. So for this cycle, there will be four chapters only, and six for the next (which I am already working on!)

2. New stories - I have a couple of stories that have either been in my head or in my drafts for a while, so I'm finally going to get the chance to put them up! Newsflash: I am NOT an OnTae writer. But honestly, there was a bit of pressure for me to keep putting out OnTae stories because a) there's decent support for it and b) I was trying to impress someone. (haha ew) The truth is, I LOVE WRITING FOR ALL SHIPS! So I'll be taking a break from new OnTae stories and give other ships the spotlight... Cause I want to! Haha

3. Lonely - There are also a couple of chapters sitting in drafts for these! Tensions are rising between some characters and it's been really fun to imagine and to write. I hope you guys don't get too mad--the reactions to the last update still haunt my dreams! Haha

*I am also hoping to squeeze in updates for the sns au which are super LOOOONG overdue! I'm so sorry. If I have extra time before I need to go to the thing I need to go to, you'll get updates for this too! Fingers crossed.

This week will have some back-to-back uploads as long as I am able to stay on schedule with editing, so I hope you look forward to it! I'm really excited to see what you guys think!

I really hope these updates can tide you over for the next month or so, because I need to take a little hiatus :( I can't say how long I'll be away, but I hope it won't be too long! Honestly, it's almost literally painful when I don't get to write out what's in my head so it will be a struggle to stay away. But I really need to focus all my energies in this one thing so that I can hopefully come back much stronger. 

Anyway... This week is going to be exciting! I hope you'll like everything!

Hope you all have a great week ahead, filled with love and happiness! Uwu.

-B