I don't know how long it's been since I've written a blog post here, but it feels like it's been ages...

I joined this site four years ago, at the start of my genuine interest in K-Pop, at the start of some big changes in my life, during some of my most turbulent times. I've changed and grown up a lot since I first came here. There are a lot of friends I made and lost- Others that I made and rather than losing them, simply losing contact. There are a lot of times where I was childish, got involved in unnecessary drama, did and said things I would regret or nowadays would find unreasonable, but I was a kid and because of that I don't see any reason I should criticize the past me. I learned and I matured through being on here. I encountered people who were far older than me, people who were far younger than me, and those who were my age.

(One of those people who were my age has now become likely my closest friend in this world, and I am so unbelievably thankful to have had her through some of the most difficult struggles of my life. I'm sure she'll see this sometime because she, too, logs on despite not being active so Minyoungie-Lee, I love you like. A lot.)

I want to thank this site and the people here for existing during some of my most formative years. From me as a person to me as a writer, I think I was only able to grow so much because of the diverse people and works I encountered on this site. While there's a lot of fics I loved a couple years ago that I wouldn't be comfortable reading now, I'm glad to have read them because they taught me a lot about what I wanted to do with my own writing. I do want to, sometime, rewrite a couple of my works and put them back up to read, but a majority of them no longer have plots I'm passionate about, so that could take a while. Another thank you to my readers and friends who have reached out to ask me about that and I'm sorry I didn't have a satisfying answer.

As for what I'm up to recently (Since this is an update and not just reminiscing yikes), I just turned nineteen a couple of days ago. Soon it'll have been a year since I graduated school- I still don't have a job, I don't attend college. Currently I'm looking into starting up an old childhood passion, photography, to see if I have the determination and skill to make a career out of it.

My physical health is a little...Hm~ It's been about two years since I was diagnosed with Graves' Disease, and almost two weeks ago my doctor decided to try taking me off of my medication. I have a couple blood tests in two more weeks to see if I can stay off the medication or not, but honestly I'm not confident I'll be able to and that really kinda . I didn't really notice while I was on the methimazole, but now that I'm off I realize just how many side effects I experience that make my daily life hard- Hair loss, increased muscle and joint pain, drowsiness, swelling, etc. I'd really like to stop dealing with those things, but I'm also pretty sure that I'm now noticing symptoms of my illness so. I guess we'll see what happens? Just hoping for the best!

Mental health, still have super bad anxiety but that's to no one's surprise, that's been a lifelong thing. I should definitely be seeing a therapist according to all mental health tracking-related apps I've tried because I apparently show many signs of moderate depression and eating disorders but! I'm poor. :'') That being said I've been trying my best to improve my self-care and such because I don't want to feel bad for, y'know, forever. I still want to get married and have kids and live a fulfilling life so even if I have a lot of bad days, I'm not ready to give up just yet. It's only over if I let it end.

SHINee is still, by far, my favorite K-Pop group. I just can't find a single band or soloist that tops their discography for me. Nothing beats the pure love and pride I feel when I see pictures/gifs of them, or their songs play on my playlists. My desk is covered in their 2019 season greetings, and I have their lightstick on my bookcase- Those things always bring a smile to my face. That being said, I've found a second boy group that I genuinely enjoy which is honestly shocking. I've been following Stray Kids since before their debut and I really love them a lot. Since I've been following them since their early days, I have been able to buy all their albums due to carefully saving and spending birthday, Christmas, and graduation money. Unfortunately I wasn't able to get tickets for their L.A. performance last week on my birthday even though it was like just over an hour away- Tragic, but it is what it is! Maybe next time? I'd love if you could support them by taking a look at their most recent MV, Miroh. <3

My favorite girl group is actually a rookie group, Cherry Bullet! They've just made their first comeback with Really Really, and FNC won't release their dance practice until five million views are reached, so I'd appreciate even more if you could take a look at that MV. They're just so bright and talented, and they make me smile so much. All of their songs are a pick-me-up, I just feel instantly better when I hear them. They're super precious girls, though it was a little weird for me at first since half the group is younger than me. Other girl group favorites include Apink, GFriend, Oh My Girl, Dreamcatcher, fromis_9, Red Velvet, April, honestly the list could go on for ages, I'm a er for most girl groups.

Right now my favorite song is Henry's most recent solo release, Untitled Love Song. That man just makes amazing music.

I spend a lot of my time at home and taking walks, especially since 2019 started, but in 2018 I did start posting new fanfictions on my AO3 account, previously only used for reading. I have 45 fanfics posted, and all are Stray Kids.;; The goal of writing on that account originally was to try out new genres and expanding my skillset, so I never expected to write so much. And literally the last thing I want to do is brag, but I'm actually really proud to say that I have a number of popular fics on there. One of my few multi-chapters is like...Well, I've seen it called a "required reading for new Stray Kids fans" a couple of times, and was lucky enough to stumble upon fanart for it. :'') Personally I think it's one of my worst fics on there, but I'm proud of what it and I have accomplished and I was able to make some good friends thanks to it. If you're interested in seeing my growth as a writer, feel free to check out my AO3 account, Layni1771.

Like I said before, in 2019 I've slowed down a lot in terms of writing and posting, but that's also a better place to look if you'd like mini-updates on how I'm doing every once in a while since I talk far too much in my author's notes. You can also always send me a message, I do log in here daily! <3

Yikes this is. Quite long. I rambled a lot but it has been forever since I talked to y'all and I guess I just really wanted to let you genuinely know what I've spent my time doing and how I've been feeling. Kudos if you read the whole thing, even if it was skimming.;; But 1300+ words later I think I've done enough explaining and reminiscing and thanking. So all in all, if by chance you read this (Whether we know each other well or not), I really love you and I'm hoping for your health and happiness! Always wishing you a lovely day. <3

-Layni