IMP read it aLL . It's  a PeAcE FLag in General. Answering everyone at once bdum tss. 1.1K words.

So yeah, it's really awkward for me now.

Idk why but I feel obliged to write this.

It's for my friends and were-friends or new friends., or any remaining species from other planets.

You may have misconceptions about me, doubts and all. Y'all have reasons to believe. 

I don't even know how to talk about it but.

Friends who literally don't wanna talk to me but force themselves to keep going not wanting me to be upset (probs) i swear I won't be upset you can stop talking to me.

It's a normal thing for me now and I think i won't be affected anymore (probs)

So, you are not obliged to talk to me you can let go (bcoz im a coward i can't directly say it, thank you very much)

I realised something today.

I maybe or may had grasped too hard, being too caring being too close, before letting go even if it's unintentional it’s wrong from my side, right?

I realised maybe my naturally caring nature, or getting-attached nature can affect people in wrong way.

Maybe i was gripping too hard. Right?

i hate myself being overly concerned, this is bull i can't control.

I feel obliged to pay attention even if we are not even close, i can't help it.

And I literally hate myself for that. I feel so stupid caring out a blue…

But it's something keeps bothering me, making me feel like it's my duty to check (I know it's not WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MY IDIOTIC OVERLY MFING NATURE) (I cant seem to ignore anyone in pain or probably hurting)

SO, i decided to unfollow some feeds (im a coward  to unfollow people, thank you very much) so that i don't feel obliged to do something.

I had unfollowed some in past for same reason. Wow *slaps myself*

So, it's to stop myself being attached or grasp someone too hard, making them misunderstand me in the end.

(Im embarrassment to nature -Sid, Ice Age 1)

How to change my personality 101, hide it!! Dieodowoodoeofoe

I am not a person who wants to destroy others or forcefully enter their life. No  i am not fake. No.

I don't even know why I am typing this at midnight….

I am not in my cycle or mood swings now

Wtf

But I feel i need to say this.

To people who are probably forcing themselves to continue talking to me, dears it will hurt more in the end, so you can stop uwu. I wont mind I swEAR.

Some pewple already left i was more than hurt but i think it's fine bcoz its fine … no reason.

So! Don't hurt yourself or push yourself for me, it will only make me feel worstssttststst

If im not sure about you, i will ask “wanna keep being friends” just ignore me if you want to (Bcoz IM COWARD to ignore people myself lol) NOT BCOZ im a great person, im just a lil coward.

AlsO!

But, i feel like i owe my bestfriends big time, even if they don't feel that. (TAE AND AI ♡♡♡) and my close little baby friends.

It's too difficult …. to miss someone close who poofs out of a blue

And yet i do that bull,  it happens and I don't want to make any excuses…. It's some bull circumstances i hate happened..

I don't know how many times i thanked them for being there for me and for trusting me.

It doesn't feel enough… ouch

(They must be like:- oh this bish is back at it again.. -sorryy bffs-)

I want to keep thanking them, bcoz i know it was hard and i wasn't there.

I hate talking about my pain or coz in the end idk why i feel guilty to make you worry about me… why does i have to be so complicated.

I seriously feel it's unfair for u guys

I AM speaking OUT LOUD

COZ MY CONSCIENCE WON'T LET ME SLEEP IN PEACE WTF.

so listen my baby hoes

I love you so much, and sorry again

THANKS FOR PUTTING UP WITH MY

(Let's not talk about it, it's embarrassing to exist honestly at this point) (uwu how do i talk 2 u now)(Yahhhhhhhh)

Also, im thinking about high key distancing myself from some people(maybe), cause of course I don't wanna grasp hard again, making them feel like im being in there life or etc. (Why am i talking bull? Idk)

So even if i ignore i don't mean to Hurt you.

(To people i regularly talk, I wanna keep talking so CHILL DON'T MISUNDERSTAND ME u  LIL S) (sometimes i dont check pms/replies while updating, coz uhhh i start chatting and my stories gets lost in abyss… so don't misunderstand that as well)

Wow, im embarrassing myself more now….

Was that even possible?

Yes,

Also.

Even though i said i can speak for myself, fight for myself to my friends … do stuff for myself, be strong for myself and answer back… im ing stupid mf...

Sorry. I can't do that…. i just.. am really mf

I Read all “bad and mean” stuff people said about me… hurtful and mean words it hurts to admit that actually hurt ...ouch (P.S:- i read everything) (my 2 angels dunno about it that i checked it all recently Mustering my courage...lmao…. i feel bad for talking about it too)... but uhh…. i hope im not severely mentally abnormal…. for,... Forgiving..right?

(Maybe i have DEMENTIA i keep forgetting stuff… that must be the reason)

Sorry for being a disappointed again, I wish I was aggressive enough to do something. I can't believe im writing this.

Wow life

It to be me.

It really to be me.

I hope I don't be me after reincarnation.

BECAAUSE

I am FORGIVING EVERYONE. God bless you.

The anger in me subsided naturally… im happy with my friends..., and I don't think I will regret forgiving.

Because hatred can only be faced with patience...not with hatred back at it… it's best to forgive while letting go, wow I can talk like this… wow (p.s:- Linkin Park “Lost in echo” listen to this, u mean guys) (thnx for hurting me, i learned stuff from it, i have no hard feelings I AM MEDITATING rn jk)

I CAN FINALLY REST IN PEACE AFTER WRITING THIS.

I hate disappointing anyone, I hate to disappoint myself. But yet wow.

Wow

I swear i will never write a blog like this again

It's next level embarrassing.

WHY---

It to be me… literally….not even kidding rn….

Someone throw a shoe at me or something.

Im--

(this cat reminds me of sena...why?) WHY