This piece will be explaining my behavioural tendencies and issues. 


Growing up, my family wasn't exactly whole, my parents were and are still divorced and my father never lived with us ever. He comes over once a day when I was kid, then increasingly less as I grow up because he has another family now. As I was in seconday school he came over like once a month, you can see where his prorities are. Back to my childhood, I shared a house, which was my late grandparents house, with my cousins and their family, It was a pre-dominately women in the house , the only men in the house was me, my brother, uncle and my late grandfather. I had a baby sitter who lived with us and took care of my siblings while my mom worked from 8 to 6, family time was a scarce one. It didn't really matter then wether my parents were around or not, I wasn't really allowed to go out until I was 15. I got busted once for going to friends house without their telling them, got an earfull afterwards.FYI, it wasn't even late at night, I came home before 6. So in the house, my cousins were also girls so my behaviour now is reflected by what kind poeple I grew up with at home. My brother wasn't really keen to play with me, he brushed me off even though we're one year apart. As I get older trying find guy friends were pretty tough, I had to "fit" in so to say, bacause my personality itself was "weird" to them. With that said as my primary schools days grew closer to the end, I started to develop a change in my mentality. I'm always never good enough, being compared to my siblings as such. At first I felt more anger than anything else and got into a lot of meaningless fights multiple times. The school didnt really do much about it and my parents didnt really care what caused my sudden outbursts. Eventually I straightened things out with my friends and moved on. Upon nearing the final exam and graduation I got pushed so hard, the amount pressure and expectations from my teachers and parents wether I can match my grades with my brother. Obviously I tried and I couldnt really catch up, at one point I was so stresssed that I tried chocking myself in class, shouting "I'm better off dead if I can't do it". There was no teachers then, only my class mates stopped me and calmed me down. That was the first time that I really wanted to end myself. I re-evaluated myself afterwards. Next up , adjusting to middle school...