ow my god I can't do anything

I should be writing or studying 

but here I am mourning the deactivated loss of our pandaredux-nim!!! tf happened??

I'm so affected 

seriously

on a side note, a chobom twitter user I know disappeared today too, which is strange... conspiracy theory!

I mean, for twitter it could be they got reported/suspended as I know the chobom fam gets "shadowbanned"

but what about aff?

I don't like it when users deactivate and their stories disappear forever.. Anyone remember Beebs? If I remembered them correctly, I think they were an awesome fluffy chobom one-shot author. Sadly I can only remember one story, but that one story really stuck in my mind as I still remember it very well and miss it dearly. Because I labelled it here, I can still see the title of it too.

It was called 2, 462KM Away published Jul 31, 2015.

It was a one-shot of chobom in a long distance relationship, where they broke up but still love each other. It was about them talking on the phone for hours and their love was just so soft and sweet and pure and I need more sweet words. Then when they finally could meet in person again, with Chorong picking up Bomi from the airport, the emotions were overflowing and they kissed and it was the most goddamn sweetest thing ever and I miss that ff so much ㅠㅠ

There's also a deactivated author I know by the name of errysora. They wrote amazing Aralice (Ara x Alice) ffs back when Hello Venus still had Yoo Ara as a member. (The visuals of that ship. They were a really good ship.) So, as sad as it is that they're gone and I can't read their work anymore, even if it was unfinished, I can understand why they deactivated... still sad though.

I have a thing of commenting under ffs every day now, and because of that, I come back to ffs I read a long time ago but didn't comment on. 

And I didn't leave enough comments for pandaredux ㅠㅠ

So I'm saying it now for the two ffs I should've commented on.

pandaredux if you're reading this, I fcking loved The Queen >///<

"Chorong is your typical pillow princess but once in a blue moon, she takes her reign as the red queen and Bomi would eagerly succumb to her power."

I love dominant Chorong. It's so fcking good and I'm blushing.. Her Name too! 

"I am all but helpless to save my damned self; but I need not be saved, I need to be wrecked."

This one is so beautiful and I see it as one that goes hand in hand with Downfall by WavingPanda, where pandaredux-nim is an example of Bomi's perspective and WavingPanda-nim is an example from Chorong's perspective. Fcking masterpieces! 

I might wake up tomorrow morning and see pandaredux return under a new account 
EDIT: or reactivate the account

I hope so

Pandas and Firetrucks, y'all know what day it is tomorrow 

A very special day

I got my new chapter ready too

pandaredux-nim where are u

and now that I write this I'm wondering if anything has happened

and I feel I've been insensitive, but I mean to express nothing but my love for your writing

I don't know what to feel now.. I feel sorry

I've dropped in and out of here a lot in the past, as life gets in the way and I have these different bursts of energy

Right now my energy burst is Apink and writing about chobom

I was mixed fandom 2012 to 2014, disappeared 2015, super duper here in 2016, sort of here in 2017, and regrettably not as present here till the later part of 2018

Don't get me wrong, I never left the fandom, I was a Panda throughout. When I say I'm here and not here, I mean my level of engagement with updates, what's happening, and even their comeback in the case of 2015 and 2018 (which I sincerely regret and try to make up for every time I return). Eg I prioritise something else I enjoy, whether it be movies, studying, youtube videos.

I come back, no matter how long it takes, and each time I regret not staying, since time passing for me is also time passing for Apink

I love this online community of Pandas and Firetrucks on aff and on twitter. Though I'm not an avid participant in talking and making friends, the things I read make it feel like I belong to this wonderful fandom family and that feeling is so nice. All the fangirling, the memes, the fanvids, the moments, the fanfics, everything. 

We're all together for chobom, for Apink.

I'm being so emo right now this is unbolievable ㅠㅠ why am I like this

What am I supposed to title this blog post

pandaredux notice me?

I'm feeling too emo for this 

gaddamn you stupid emotions!

*waves fist in the air*

Fck 

pandaredux 보고싶다.