If I speak out, you might think I'm an attention seeker, that I want sympathy from others ...  and it pains me that in the end I still care about what you or others might think about me ... 

so I'll just stay silent and do what I do best, faking it like I'm fine ... I'll just smile and live the same life I've been living for a long time now, the exact same routine with all the small details so no one would suspect a thing or two about what is really going on ... 

Thats what I've mastered after a long time so I'll do it again. This time for me though, not for you.

And while you're busy counting my every step, wondering if things has changed since the last time you checked, I'll take your distraction to flick a thing or two in my routine and leave some parts out unnoticeably ...

and you might be one of them ...