i think i like a guy

big surprise, right? LMAO

i just... idk. he's one of those people i've always found attractive (eyes are a beautiful frost blue unless i'm getting my people mixed up), and it's like, while i've never majorly had a crush on him, if he asked me, i would date him... you know, that kind of crush.

and i feel like he maybe harbors feelings too? like, my instinct usually isn't wrong about things like this (long story short, two guys liked me in sophomore year and i realized but brushed it off as being close friends). so like !!! idk what to do!!!

i say it's not a legit crush, yet as i talk more about it i feel like my feelings go WHAM and punch me in the chest lol.

i mean, we know each other decently well? it's not like we don't know each other, but we've talked a total of like twice in four years, even though we keep having classes together. it's one of those 'you've always been there in the background' things.

and he's the smartest kid in the center. arguably, but how many other people can argue? not that many. five at most. he's ranked third or fourth in the entire damn class. and where am i lol seventeen. i'm dumb, okay? i'm so ing dumb it hurts and i just want to cry and drop out and get a liberal arts degree and live with my parents and die with them and okay, but i'm not here to talk about that.

it's like... he's so completely out of my league, but my instinct probably isn't wrong, but i'm also a coward. and if the school is monitoring my computer right now HIIIII i'm holding you to secrecy okay? and you too, fbi agent, although you're allowed to wingwoman/wingman me if you want ;))) you too, school official

i have a sense of humor, i swear.

but so yeah. that's just been bothering me because i told my friends and they were like GO FOR IT and i'm like uhhh nahhhh but then... idk i can't stop thinking about it.