Guys this might be sad to some people but i just thought that i should stop trying to hide it and just tell you all.

I'm abused. It might not be physical anymore, but it still happens. Emotional abuse still is abuse. All the people I wish were there for me all my life, never had been. I can't tell you went it started, but i can tell you its been going on longer than I can remember. It started off small, ever once in a while i was made fun of or beaten down, by my family. The people that were supposed to build me up into the person I am today, tried to break me until I gave up. I never understood what I did wrong to be told so often that I was good enough for their love, that i was hated by the people around me, that all I was ever going to be to anyone was a dissapointment. These are the words my brother, sisters, mom and dad have told me. I can't hide this anymore, I've hidden this from my friends, from the people I love the most. I've only ever told one person, thats my best friend. I hate not being able to be myself aroiund my family. They don't accept the person I really am. They couldnt accept that i wanted to be able to date a guy or a girl if i wanted, so i told them it was a joke when i tried. So i put on a person i never want to be, i become the person my family wants me to be. I hide my feeling from them and just deal with it on my own. I've tried doing this for so long, but all it does is tear me down even more. I've been on the edge of doing it, I've put the knife to my wrist, but couldn't do it. I'm not physical abused anymore, notice i say anymore. It might of stopped but it still happened. I got hit over and over again. They did this while saying the hurtful words that broke my spirit as the bruised and broke my body. My mom and dad knew where to hit to not leave marks that peple would think of as abuse. They knew were to hide the marks, hide the fact that i was their 8 year old punching bag. It stopped at the age of 9 but i still have the terrifiying memories of being broken crying on the floor as i felt the blows land on my body. I remember the room they would put me in after they did it. The dark room that fueld my depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. But i had amazing people that helped me through it. No of them know the whole story except for one. My friends keep me here, my wife keeps me here. I couldn't live without them, and i hope i never have to. Im sorry for being in my feelings but i cant let people think im fine even though im truly not.

I love you all