Coming out

guess i'm not good at keeping secret. My closest friends made a group chat amongst themselves to discuss about my behavior that they considered changes drastically.

 

so i was having morning class and got hungry. I wanted to eat at this canteen which serves home cooks, my friends usually would say no because that place is kinda pricey. But unusually they gave in to my desire. 

 

Since it was still 10 in the morning, it wasn't crowded, rather quiet and there were only few people. We took the gazebo with the best view. My friends didn't annoy me when i was eating, and i just realized it was suspicious enough, because my friends were  always annoying. 

 

After eating, one of my friend started to ask me questions. "What happened?" "What's going on your mind?" "We ask because we care about you." And so on.

 

"im okay. Nothing to worry about." I said. But they didn't buy it. They kept digging deeper, their eyes told me they knew something. 

 

I couldn't do anything but to told them about me having BPD and that im damaged physiologically. 

 

My friend, let's call her A, she asked me very nerve wrecking question, "What's going on between you and Princess?" (Re: the girl i like, not the real name)

 

"nothing."

 

"dont lie to me." She said. I felt my whole body was shaking inside. I felt like throwing up. I was that terrified. I wasn't exaggerating it.

 

"she's pretty. She is lovely to see. That's it." I said. I knew my voice was shaky. My eyes were twinkling when my mind went to pick up the thought of her.

 

"that's it? U sure?" My friend kept on looking at me with 'i know something is off' look.

 

"So, is your BPD the only thing that changed you?" My other friend, N, asked.

 

I lost in deep thought. I was contemplating on whether I should tell them the truth or not. 

 

My other friend, M, seemed like encouraging me to be honest and kept reminding me that they won't change, they just wanted me to find myself again. They were showing me so much support and love till  i was overwhelmed and on the verge of crying. I was being emotional, angry and touched mixed into one. 

 

"I'm confused." I said. "Whatever im gonna say, i hope it doesn't change the way you guys look at me, and i hope you guys can take me for who i am."

 

"i think im biual." I continued.

 

"We can tell it." They said. "And we knew who the girl who turned you into a bi."

 

They got it right. They said i was too obvious. Everytime I looked at Princess, my eyes twinkle. I looked like  as if i was seeing an attractive guy. 

 

They asked me what i felt right there? I said im moving on. I didn't want to have her, but i also didn't want her to be with anybody else.

 

 

"U sure you are moving on?" Of course not.

 

"Im in the middle of getting rid of the thought of her." I lied.

 

But my friends pointed out how my face changed and gloomier at the library when they were gossiping about princess who went out with her soon to be boyfriend last monday.

 

"I'm trying to move on." I whispered.

 

so now, i have 3 my closest friends who want to change me back to who i was. I can see they are tryin so freaking hard to get me straight again. I appreciate that a lot. But maybe my uality will  stay this way for meantime.

Any response?

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
No comments yet