Hello Everyone~

Okay so this literally just came across my mind a moment ago. I was watching a lot of random youtube videos this morning, and a "Koreaboo cringe compilation" came up on my feed for some reason. I'm not Korean, so I might not get to have an actual say in this: but I do seem to have a different opinion than a lot of comments I see.

One clip in the video was a clip of Venus Angelic, and I absolutely love her. She is the sweetest, and probably one of the nicest youtubers I've ever known. I've watched her videos since I was in elementary way back when, and I used to always love her makeup videos (I miss those...) and I think her relationship with her boyfriend is so sweet. (I kinda forgot his name). Sometimes, depending on the youtuber/any internet personality, I think that people that are against them are just pretty jealous that they do what they love without caring about the judgment, and it just makes a lot of them happy. So yeah, I think haters are literally hating that someone online is doing what the hater also likes, like dancing to kpop songs (in which they wish they were famous from that), and seeing someone being happier and living nicer than them, just makes the hater so sad, angry, and just flat out insecure. Another girl is Katieaegi (she just goes by her real name now), but she seems to be doing a lot better now that she's living in Korea. Yeah, her old videos might not be that good, but she posts on snapchat (I don't think she will anymore, though...) about how she's happy there and all the cool things she's doing, and the people she's meeting. What the hell is wrong with that? Yeah, she did crappy things in the past like all of us, but she really changed and is a kind person. And I guess her haters wish they were in Korea, going to clubs and making friends and learning the language and just living life, but no. Their lives are so sad and so boring, that they have to attack this nice and funny girl that's living her best life, and she's just trying to be happy. Another youtuber (and I don't like him at all: I even ing cringe every time I look at him) Is a "kpop youtuber" I guess, and does makeup and has super, super oily skin (and not even the pretty 'dewy' look that is popular in Korea: I mean it looks greasy as hell). He did this dumb video hating on Kyla Massie (I love her by the way) that actually has mad talent and skill and isn't a , and he's just thinking he's the hottest guy out there and that he looks like a kpop idol (lmao where)- and this mother a's thumbail to that in video was his and cringey as hell expression on his face (like boi, what you tryin to do...?) sipping bubble tea, piss, or juice or watever, idgaf - I just think that whole "tea" thing is hella ing annoying and so over rated. Damn, I internally gag when I come across his thumbails on youtube, when I see that nasty skin and that dumb 'sippin tea' expression. Like, boi... s t o p i t. G e t s o m e h e l p. Don't go on making fun of my stunning and talented girl with your ... stay in your lane, bro. Nobody got time for that.

Another youtuber is this girl (she's considered more of a weeaboo, I guess), that lives in Japan, and identifies as Muslim now (just another white girl taking someone's culture for clout) and she kinda looks like a Who, and has really gross teeth. I don't hate her at all: she seems pretty cool, that's just what she looks like. I find her really annoying cause out of no where she takes the Muslim culture (again, yes, appreciation is different,) but it really does seem like she did it so more people would give their attention to her) and makes it her own... like, you know just wearing a Hijab doesn't make you Muslim, right...? Is your family Muslim? Stop taking someone else's culture and you don't know much about it. And she really seems to criticize most things about Japan, and their culture, etc. I mean, if you hate it so much, and you hate teaching there so much, then just leave, bro. And guys STOP BRINGING UP CHLOE!!!!!!!! Her videos were from ing three years ago, and she is wayyy different now, she's awesome and doesn't deserve all this negative . Stop making fun of someone for some that happened way back in the past. Grow up.

So... I think that's all.

Oh and for the barely over 40 people that read my dry blog, please comment a person you have mixed feelings about on youtube, or anyone that you find "cringey" and thinks should be talked about.

OKAY, so finally, some memories from rehab...

I remember occasionally hiding a lot of food in my shirt and not getting caught (at the table, there was one staff on each side of the table - sometimes there were three) and one eventually caught me. She brought me to the bathroom and didn't really scold me, but kept on trying to reassure me that the little bit of food that I was hiding wouldn't hurt me. Before that, I kept on hiding little bits of food around my dorm room... I once got a new roommate, and I told her about it, and she was afraid it would smell, but I told her I would throw the stuff away. 

People with eating disorders (usually with Anorexia) shed hair like ing crazy: I did, too. So there were long strands of hair ALL over the in place, and even in little zip bags of stickers... once I was writing, and I came across a zip lock bag of puffy letter stickers, and counted 14 hairs. All different colors. Now god damn. Everyone else noticed too, and we laughed together and started counting hairs we saw. Back then, I had a HUGE phobia of germs and things outside and , and I would try and try to convince the staff to let me stay inside and to not take me along on the walks. But that place really taught me a lot, and I've really changed in a lot of different ways. I feel so bad about how hot-headed and impatient and kinda disrespectful I sometimes was, but I apologized at the end and they totally understood - an illness like mine really changes you and it can be very hard to control. The only time my germaphobia didn't kick in, was with animals. We always saw dogs on our walks, and I loved petting and playing with them. With animals, I never afraid of germs, cause they can't really help it. And I have three cats, and I've never been afraid of their germs.

Oh yeah, and this was really funny - so in one of our group therapy sessions, we were given a list of positive activites and skills and thoughts we could turn to when we needed them. One of them was 'throwing ice,' so I later on asked if I could have a glass of iced water, and my best friend and I threw them down the stairwell, dying in laughter. Well, a few minutes later we forgot about them, and the staff were wondering why there were so many big spots of water all over the floor. They told me not to do that, and they let me go outside and throw ice off the porch and into the grass. One of the client's parents brought a puppy over, and I threw an ice cube off the porch (not seeing the puppy) and BARELY missed. The puppy didn't care, and just started it. I REALLY want a dog. 

My sister and her significant other just broke up a while ago. I never really liked her significant other... I'll explain why in another post. 

OH YEAH I remember another weird thing that happened - it was later on in my stay, and we went out to eat at Dairy Queen (I think that was where it was), and we were sitting at a table, and I was in a spot where I could see the people in line, and I think I was the only one to notice this, but this guy was giving his girlfriend/wife a DEAD . OBVIOUS . Right then and there, bro. I almost gagged. He was rubbing her and everything - oh my god. So yeah, since I was the only one to see it, I told the others in the car, and we still thought it was so weird, but laughed. 

I never liked going to therapists. Therapy never really worked for me. I know that you gotta have a therapist that you really click with: I did, but she was only in my rehab center, and that was the only place she worked. And everyone knows that school councelors don't always know ... one of my high schools really did me dirty. 

EDIT: The youtuber guy that pisses me off is Edward something... Forgot his last name already lol who cares

Well, that's it for today. I gotta head to class: thanks for reading,

~Rosemary