Goodbye Love, Hello Winter

I love the season's because of you. I love every single month because of you.

~

In August...we met for the first time. Right here. You read one of my stories and made a post that changed our lives.

In September, we texted for the first time. I was happy because I found a friend. We talked and talked and talked, and secretly I hoped that this would never end.

In October, I called you for the first time. We giggled like children the entire time because we were so embarrassed. 

In November, we shared pictures and learned of each other's cultures. 

In December, I made you a Christmas present. It was videos of my everyday life because you were curious. About my family, our traditions, where I worked, all that stuff. I remember you giggling over them and you thought it was the best present in the world.

In January, you told me that you had feelings for me...and I you. I became the luckiest girl in the world. I thought, 'This is it. She's the one.'

In February, I sent you our first valentine's day card. I remembered being giddy and smiling like a fool because I finally found someone to love. That night, it was the first time we made love. We picked  "All of Me" by John Legend to be our song. 

In March, I went through surgery and you were there, always calling and texting me to see if I was okay. I told my mom about you, but I kept "us" a secret. 

In April, it was your birthday and we celebrated. It was the first time I told you I loved you and both of our hearts skipped a beat. I learned the Persian saying just for you. 

In May, you found out you were moving from your country to be closer to me. We were both so excited and happy and I knew this was God's way of blessing our relationship. 

In June, it was my birthday. I remember texting you all day and spending even more of the night thinking about you. 

In July, I wrote a story about our future. I shared it with you, and you cried because you were so happy. I eventually posted it on here for the world to see.

In August, of a different year I made that story into a film. I dedicated it to you. We talked about our future, marriage, living together, our children. You were my whole world. Everything I did, I had you in mind, because you were at the center of my future. 

~

I used to love the season's because of you. I used to love the months....

~

In August, you became...distant. You said it was school. I understood and supported you.

In September, you said you needed a break. Because of family, and school, I said..."okay." But I never left.

In October, you said you needed more time. That you're family wouldn't approve of us. I said I would fight for you...and I meant it. I still gave you your space.

In November, I called you. I texted you. I never got a response.

In December, Jonghyun died. I called you. We cried together. I didn't push the topic of our relationship. Now...now was not the time.

In January, It would have been our anniversary. But we went radio silent. We were still in shock. We were still grieving. But I still loved you.

In February, I had to put my dog down because of old age. I texted you and called you because I needed to hear your voice the most. You never answered.

In March, more silence.

In April, it was your birthday again. I messaged you. I called you. I texted you. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!".....Still no reply.

In May, I still couldn't stop thinking of you. SHINee announced their comeback. I messaged you the good news. You said nothing.

In June, my birthday came and went. I never heard from you. I cried. Because the person I wanted to hear from the most, forgot about me. Maybe? I didn't know anymore.

In July, I visited my family. I got on the plane and thought of you. What it would be like to fly to you like we talked about so many times before?

In August, I saw you updated your Facebook photo....of you and him. Him. I texted, and called, and messaged. I wanted to say goodbye. You gave me silence.

This September, a year since our "break," a year since you said you would come back. A year since you told me that I would know how you felt. I still haven't heard from you. I don't think I ever will. Almost four years gone. I would say wasted, but I can't bring myself to. Because I never wasted anything on you.

~

I hate the months because of you. You have my heart and I don't think I can never get it back. I told you I'd wait for you. And I still am. I told you I'd be there for you, and I still will. Because I will never stop loving you. No matter how much you've made me hate the months. I can never hate you.

Consider this not my goodbye, nor farewell. Consider this my "see ya later." Because in my heart I'm praying that I will see you again. And that one day, we will love each other just as before. 

Now & Forever Yours

~S.I.R.

Comments

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ShawolRidsi
#1
Same feelings ..... different situation ...... different people ...... different characters ....... haha ....... I still wait for that person to come and say I love you ...... It's already been 5 years for me but the person doesn't even reply to my texts ...... it ate me up everytime I thought of him becuse we spent such a great time together ..... not physically per say emotionally ....... to be emotionally invested in someone drains more of you from your ownself then you can guess ....... it streches you to limit and keeps giving you hopeful rays ..... that after the rain , rainbow will rise ..... but alas we are the only ones left .... to deal with ourselves ......... Sometimes I feel like I really never deserve him ......... but then I know I still love him ..... I will never tell him now though ..... I can't love anyone else but him .......of course he doesn't have to know ....... I just wait naturally for one day to over all the memories of us ..... but .... but ..... it's just past now ..... a past that haunts my present and will haunt my future..... just know I'm here for you if you wanna talk ..... I'm here buddy .... I'm here <3
palisades #2
My heart aches for you because I went through a similar experience that you did. And weirdly enough, some of the things lined up with my relationship. My heart aches because I understand what you're going through and it's literally the worst pain ever. You find out that when you think you're experiencing the worst pain in the world, there's worse pain than the way you're feeling..
but with time, you will be healed. even though you may not get to experience what you want to experience,

time will heal.

it took me over a year to get over him.
devilishangel_15
#3
My heart aches for you. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive and move on. If you need to talk to someone message me :) I hope you will be Okay. Xx
hitomiu #4
This is so lovely, yet so sad!
I hope she replies.