So all these while, before this i was actually being so negative to myself. In my last blogs i also did mention to end my life. i really hope that this new opportunity will get me grow more  mature. i will never look back again! even if i did , i will never ever give up. 

after this i will continue my degree in a university that located far away from my house. just to support me to study there, my parents had to sacrifices many things. i will never do the same mistakes again. i promise!!! i will never ever do the same mistake again. although that i didn't get my desire course but Biology is one of my favourite subject. it supposed to be not much problem with that. i believe to myself. to the old me: i really hate u! i will never go back my on words, that's my own way of life! (referece to  naruto btw) 

i hated myself when i couldn't do nothing even it was not my limit. now, i discovered that, limit just an obstacle that you put in front of you on your own. i blocked my own way actually. i was too ego. too desperate for everyone to understand. it is true that i got a complicated personality. i need attention but at the same time i didn't. too complicated right?

my blogs is actually like a diary for me. i actually did this to get attention. i admit it. this  happened because i rarely speak  my heart to anyone including my best friend. i rather keep problems by myself, thinking that i can handle the burden all by myself. how foolish i was. i am a cheerful in front of others, hiding my tears with laughter. i want to cheer up people around me, because i know how hurt it can be if you get hurt. one more time how foolish am i thinking that i can handle everything. i really tried to change myself. well, the progress is so slow...but i managed somehow get  confident with myself.

i realized all this things when i watched naruto. naruto may be just an anime but it taught me everything. i learned so much.  it may look like a childish reason. but that's the truth. therefore i will never ever give up.

i always compared myself to others and this made things worse. again, by watching naruto i started to take a closer look on people around me. their behaviour. i took time to understand them a bit  so  that i don't hurt their feelings. i did my best. but of course i'm still a human  being. i can't be perfect! 

my life journey isn't over yet. in fact it just started. slowly i will go forward with my own pace. my journey, my story i am the main character in my story.

i always said that i hate myself. but now... i love myself even more. 

if you stumbled upon this blog, remember you're precious as you are. never compare yourself to others, keep walking in your own pace to strive for the best. your life your story. never turn other people as main character in your own story.

love yourself ... you matter.