It's been 5 years since I've posted a blog here. And 2 years since I've opened this account. (I actually forgot my password and when I tried to open this up, it all got jumbled up with all the other passwords I've created.) It took me 2 angry days to finally guess the password. 
I'm just so happy I finally got to open this. The last time I did open this was May 19, 2016. 

Anyway, since most of my iRL friends here aren't using AFF or using their extra AFFs already, I decided to post something in celebration of this success. I created this account when I was 15. Nothing much happened here except of all the drafts and the failed fanfic I made. I got too lazy to continue it since I don't think the people I've initially intended to dedicate the story to was interested anymore. Afterall, it was just for my RP friends. We lost contact when the Hurricane Zuckerberg started hitting Facebook. Wiping out RP accounts we've managed to keep for years. It was a disaster. We tried to move to VK but VK just looked like Facebook's younger sister who's trying hard but isn't enough. 
 

As years past by, we've all started to grow. Of course, including the drama. When you are a teen, everything seemed big and new to you. New friends, big dreams, big events, cool stuff. That thing. Small inconveniences and misunderstandings lead to bigger issues. And just like I've said, it all seemed big. Unfamiliar faces start to appear. The ones you thought who would be there for you, suddenly weren't in sight. Just when you needed a shoulder to lean and cry on, nobody was there. Let's not forget that when you're a teen, it's when you get affected deeply. That's why conflicts will always be there. It will affect you emotionally and mentally. The scars are deeper especially when the one that scarred you are the ones you truly care about. 

I don't want this to be overly dramatic. But I have a lot here inside me that I wish someone would actually understand and listen to.

Since that year, I've always been haunted by the idea that no matter how I appreciate them in my life, they will never give me the same love back. And it hurtsThat's why now, I've learned to put my guard up. I don't want anyone to see me this weak again. I've learned that friends or people in general, will always put themselves first. And you should, too.

If you've reached this part, thanks. I'm sorry if you're also going through this.

Edit: I think I may have ended this blog prematurely, of course, without them, I won't know what I know now. I still thank them for that. It's just, most of them aren't my friends anymore. I loved them with all my heart but I also made wrong decisions and said harsh words. Just thinking about them makes me cry. That's how much I love them. It just crushed and broke my heart into pieces and above anything else, I don't think I could ever forgive myself for everything.