I am tired. I do not have a place to tell. I want to burst everything. I am afraid that soon I am going into depression .

This is about my family and me.

They say I am lucky to be born with a great family .Perfect . No. They are not perfect. They are public figures whom everyone respect. They are kind and gentle. But , everything is a facade. 

I have a little brother with terminal illness. My mother always blame me.  She never look at me .Not even for my success . I have been chasing for her love. But never once she look at me. 

I have been abandoned by family since I was 6 years old. I have been adopted until I was 16 years old.  Then , I have been living with my real family for 2 years.  I continue my study somewhere far .

I am tired of wearing a facade. People know that I am their daughter but they do not know my story .People say I am fortunate. Am I fortunate?  I love my family but not as strong as my Foster family. Is that wrong for not loving my real family? 

I am still remember that I was hit by my mom when I was 5 years old because I skipped Mandarin,  Arabic and piano classes . I know the classes are good but I hate it . I dropped out of the classes because my mom said I was useless after all. 

I am tired. They are public figure but yet,  why they cannot act like that to me ?

I am sad because not even once my parents went to my school for my report cards .I was the best student in my state but it was not enough for them .

What should I do?