You see, just a few days back, my bestfriend and I made a deal. I had to congratulate my crush after his performance, while my bestfriend had to buy food and talk with her somewhat crush twice. The penalties for not doing the deal was that I had to buy four paellas with toppings in one go from my bestfriend's stall, while if she wasn't able to do her part of the deal was that she had to show one of her secret poems to her current crush.

Currently, we have a Humanities Fair held in our school. Yesterday was the first day, and my bestfriend already did a half of her deal, she bought and spoke with the guy (one year younger than us). Today was the day of the performance, but it was in the afternoon. In the morning, there were speakers from our batch, who talked about their topics (a requirement for our English class). One of them had the topic of crushes and not being *torpe and it kinda got to me. My bestfriend also finished her part of the deal.

When afternoon came, I watched the performance together with my friends. It was really great, especially at the end when they danced in sync. While watching, I couldn't get my eyes off my crush (three years younger than me). I also knew he was great in performing (good at singing and dancing, though he was lip syncing in the performance), and hearing some other lower years cheering for him kinda made me feel anxious for some reason. I did enjoy the performance though.

After the performance, I had the chance to actually congratulate him, but I got so shy that I couldn't even go near him. I decided to go out of the school gym and wait for him by the hallways. That proved to be a mistake, since it was difficult to find him afterwards. And now that my friends told me it might be kinda weird if I just walk up to him by the hallway and talk to him, I felt even more nervous. My bestfriend was kinda pushing me to do it, since she really wanted to help me even just talk to my crush at least once, before we graduate, and I do appreciate her gesture, but I just couldn't do it. We even still waited for like almost an hour by the guardhouse, hoping to catch him before he went home. We did see him pass by, but I couldn't move after seeing him that close. I just couldn't. And so, we just watched him and a friend of his ride a jeepney to go home.

My friends and I eventually decided to head to the mall to buy supplies for the fair. My bestfriend even felt like it was such a waste when we waited for him, only for me to back out in doing my deal on the last minute. I couldn't help but be disappointed and frustrated with myself, on why I couldn't overcome my shyness and just speak to him. It made me feel quite guilty, since my bestfriend finished her deal, while I haven't. You see, I'm quite introverted and it's hard for me to just speak with people. And I do want to get out of my comfort zone, but maybe, this just isn't the right time for me. Maybe there will be other opportunities for me to talk to him in the remaining two months of the school year left.

My bestfriend comforted me, saying it was okay, and that she felt kinda guilty, so she lowered my penalty to just two paellas. She still said that I can still have a chance to talk to him tomorrow, saying that I don't need to congratulate him, but just try to at least talk to him about any topic. If I think about it, I don't know if I'd ever get the confidence to talk to him, since I'm usually the type that admires from afar, and I'm actually satisfied with that. But now, hearing my bestfriend say this is our last school year at our school, I'm wondering whether I should still give it a try or not. Anyway, I guess I'll just see what tomorrow may bring to my day. :)

*Torpe - a person, who has feelings for another person, but can't say it to the object of his/her affection.